Particle – My Disingenuousness

A new neighbor arrived near the farm. I saw what one might consider an ideal candidate for the Chi machine. Inez Watmough was heavy and visibly unhealthy. When I approached her, she seemed open to nothing beneficial or good. I could see another example of how doors are opened from above to some and closed to many. She was among the many. In particular, Inez was a dark person – mean, ugly, angry, judgmental, sour, and a gossiper of the first order.

But was I any better? When she said, “Nice to have met you,” I replied, “Same here.” There I was, the consummate hypocrite, man-pleasing again. I had lied. I didn’t find it nice at all. Sorry, Lord.

Particle – My First Webpage Correspondent

Paul met Sara Schmidt in the www.Eliyah.com chatroom. She was asking spiritual questions in a rather hungry and urgent manner. Nobody there was answering except Paul, who gave her the help she was desperate to have. She writes:

“Paul’s first letter to me was on May 9, 2001. I estimate that we met in the chatroom of Eliyah on May 6th or so. For 2-3 weeks, I red the whole website intensely, and as I attended church, I saw things there that I hadn’t seen before. Towards the end, I felt like a hypocrite for not standing in what I knew.”

On May 21st, I received an email from Sara, my first one as a result of someone reading our website. In particular, she was impacted by The Case for Coming Out. I had no idea how significant meeting Sara would turn out to be.

(Later, we found out Sara was born around the time we were delivering the Word of the Lord to Paul in Israel, early October of 1979.)

Particle – A US Chi Show with Ken Cook

On May 22nd, I drove to Helena to visit Paul. We held a Chi demonstration at the Civic Center in Helena. Ken Cook, our up-line president, was to be present, but ran into conflict with the border officials, over which he was quite upset. Ken didn’t know how to back down when the odds were stacked against him.

He bought breakfast sandwiches at a deli for us, but I saw his reaction to my purchase and it was negative. I think it was because I had purchased more than one item. He later left unceremoniously and without notice to me. Pat McMurren, a former girlfriend of his, had warned us that Ken was strictly out for himself. Her words seemed to be materializing in firsthand experience. We would see worse and we would see better with him, the better in the latter time of our relationship, I’m thankful to say.

As for his selfishness, who hasn’t been selfish? Pat McMurren? I don’t think so. What about me? I don’t think so. The thing about Ken is that he didn’t pretend to be a believer while he simply was what he was.

Particle – A Blessing for Steve and Kerri

While in Helena, I met with Steve Hartman and Kerri, who seemed quite nervous about meeting with me. I had a prophetic and curious blessing for them as they were planning to marry, which I wrote on April 14, 2001. I delivered it to them on May 24th, when we were invited to supper at their place. Was this the marital blessing Kerri had asked for?

As I enter this blessing here, I still have no idea why it occurred, though we were all agreed that they should marry. I confess I have my doubts about it for several reasons, but here it is:

Who can understand the ways of the Lord God, Who does all things and does them all perfectly?

Before any of us drew breath, He had ordained that these two persons should be brought together for their sakes to His glory and for His purposes established from the beginning of time.

This is the Day of the Lord. Steve and Kerri, length of days here on earth is not what it is all about; neither is the quality of your days together your responsibility to perform and accomplish. Yehoshua Adonai HaMashiach, commonly known as the Lord Jesus Christ, has determined and is bestowing grace upon you. He has blessed you and will bless you all your days, which will not be few. As for the quality, He will take care of that for you as only He can. It is not your righteousness.

Blessed be your relationship, blessed be your children, and blessed be the fruit of your labors and endeavors.

The Lord Jesus Christ is what everything is all about. You will know that, and you will never forget it. There is nothing in all of existence to prevent God’s blessing upon you.

In this last day, the Great and Supreme I Am has ordained to establish order among mankind, the order He had created before the sin of Adam, wherein Adam heeded the voice of his wife rather than the Voice of God.

To you it has been granted to be among the firstfruits in the history of mankind to have a proper and orderly and God-ordained husband-and-wife relationship, wherein the husband looks to God and not to his wife. In turn, the wife will learn to look to her husband even as he looks to the Lord God. This is God’s order on earth, ordained in the beginning but lost throughout history and now finally restored. This is the Day of the Restoration of all things.

Your relationship will be an example to all of how a marriage ought to be. And truly, it will be God’s doing. Neither will it be like anything witnessed by man heretofore. You will see the order and harmony of God destined throughout the history of man for this day. So will others.

Shall I say, “God bless you”? God has and is blessing you, and I bless you and rejoice with you. Go with God, the Lord Jesus Christ, Who is the Great I Am. He reigns supreme over all things.”

“Trust the LORD always, because the LORD, the LORD alone, is an everlasting rock” (Isaiah 26:4 GW). Amen!

Twice, Steve expressed appreciation for the blessing. That evening, after the visit, I told Paul that in the next day or two, Kerri would want to come and talk about the visit. On the 25th, she came to talk.

Particle – Vashti’s Bondservant

Lyle Schwabauer and his wife, a middle-aged couple, managed Hunter’s Pointe Retirement Residence in Helena. His wife callously dumped him for a busboy working for them. Lyle was traumatized.

He sought any kind of help possible to get his wife back and shared his plight with us. I found it remarkable that, notwithstanding some differences, I had just gone through similar circumstances, he and I being the only two I personally knew of, in my lifetime, to have his wife choose a man young enough to be her son. I wondered if I had gone through my experience at least partially for his sake. I was certainly able to relate and empathize.

Lyle professed to believe in Christ. So I shared my story and was able to tell him the great good God had done for me by such things as he was experiencing.

Paul and I shared that God reigns over all things and that there was a purpose working out for good. The secret, we said, was that he acknowledge his circumstances as from God’s hand and to give Him thanks, thus paving the way to victory.

Lyle spoke of counsel he had received from various spiritual leaders, mostly church pastors. He was encouraged to believe his wife would return to him and counseled to “love” her with what is commonly understood as Christian love. We saw that the counsel was the run-of-the-mill claptrap, not anything from God or of value. Indeed, it fed and bred false hope.

I saw that if Lyle truly accepted his circumstances, things would go well for him, but he wasn’t able to come to terms with losing his wife. He counted our counsel as unwise, without compassion, and unacceptable. How could a man claim to have faith in God, yet be so bound to a wife, or anything else for that matter? Frankly, seeing his attitude from God’s perspective, it was reprehensible.

A few weeks later, Paul invited Lyle to supper; he accepted but didn’t show up. We had to leave him where he was, in the mire of unbelief, darkness, and defeat. We would hear more of this matter in future. Oh, how men choose death over life!

Particle – Sara’s Dream: The Birds

Sara Schmidt related what was happening with her during this time:

I had this dream in May 2001, very shortly after meeting Paul online, and right before my world turned upside down:

I was in the field of the veterinary technology school I was currently attending. We were all talking and mingling as we would. Suddenly coming over us from the horizon, there was a flock of cranes in the deep, bright blue sky. They were breathtakingly beautiful. I watched in awe as they flew overhead. When the sky was full of cranes, from one direction to another, they all stopped flying. They were still in the sky, but they no longer moved or flapped their wings.

The sky turned a bright yellow or yellow-orange color, and the birds burst into flames. They plummeted from the sky, killing whomever they landed atop of. There were suddenly a lot of people there, and the deluge of cranes in flames falling from the sky killed many. Despite the screams and terror that engulfed those about me, I wasn’t afraid. I knew that I wouldn’t be hurt or killed. I ran with a crowd to a large cave, but there was so much chaos and confusion that I was the only one who made it there. End of dream.

When I shared this dream with Paul, he gave me this Scripture: “A thousand shall fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes you shall look and see the reward of the wicked” (Psalms 91:7-8).

Particle – Trevor Goes Whoring with Marilyn for Company

I talked to Marilyn and Lois about Trevor and his most recent infatuation, Wilma Vanden Dool. He had been having dreams and interpreting them as revelation of marrying her. Marilyn had long talks with him, but neither of them breathed a word of it to me. Marilyn was pure whore, seeking to subvert anyone against God to satisfy her lustful fantasies – Jezebel indeed, teaching the Lord’s servants to commit fornication.

I told Paul I couldn’t trust her. I expected she would be taking Jonathan to Calgary to her mother’s. She had been calling her frequently – one whore subtly influencing the other – like mother, like daughter.

Why wouldn’t Trevor talk to me or Paul and have his dreams judged by elders? The answer was simple enough. Marilyn had been defending and justifying him. Let them both be killed with death (Revelation 2:23) – they were utterly unrepentant, whorish, and incorrigible. He wickedly accused Lois and Mark of unbelief and having their agenda when disagreeing with him on his romantic forays. Even Mariko was warning Trevor about Marilyn and Wilma.

As an encouragement from God, Lois received that all would work out for good. Paul received that the situation with Marilyn and her rebellion was almost over; the end of these things was here. Somehow, Sean was tied in with it and it was believed that he was also finished.

Trevor also had a dream of Sean, of shaking hands with him. He interpreted it as being reconciled with him. I say it was his confiding with Marilyn, with Satan and his bride. Trevor was as a perpetual ass in heat – there were Rose, Alina, Erin, Abby Lynn, Kirsten, among others, and now Wilma. Each one of these was the sure wife of his literal, God-given dreams. I was beginning to wonder if the cows, ewes, and hens on the farm were included.

Particle – Chi Crazy and Christ Craving

Jonathan sent me an email that said, in large letters, “CHI CRAZY!!!”

I wondered if that was true; it likely was. Despite this, I kept on talking to people about the Chi Machine. I suppose he felt he was being ignored and neglected. He got quite preoccupied with his activities and spared little time for me, however, even as I had done to him. Every day, I missed him and felt bad.

Things were going rather mundane with me, while Paul called to tell me of various spiritual conversations. However, Ingrid called to ask me some questions. So what was the Chi business doing to me? Was it good, bad, or indifferent? We were about to have some remarkable experiences of God because of the business.

Particle – Chi Business on the Sabbath?

Ken Cook and Bob Nelson, Ken’s and our up-line from Minneapolis, slated a Chi meeting at the Save-On community room in Lethbridge for Friday night, June 1, 2001, our Sabbath evening. We asked the Lord if we should go and called Paul for consultation and prayer. Paul received that it would be self-righteous of us not to go. He also believed the Lord was leading us into a marriage of sorts, a union of the earthly and Heavenly, left and right, physical and spiritual.

Besides, we had been given direction to start the Sabbath at any time in the evening – this direction given through unpreventable circumstances on several occasions in the past Friday evenings. Many Sabbath-keepers stick to the letter of the Biblical direction of precise sunset to sunset, not considering that sunsets don’t vary in Israel as they do in Canada, especially in the far North, where the sun doesn’t set for 186 days, beginning at the Spring Equinox, March 21st. What would they do there? We had long ago decided to rely on the Lord to guide us each Sabbath evening.

We being in agreement, Lois, Mark, Trevor, Marilyn, Jonathan, and I went, deciding we could, if necessary, begin the Sabbath after the meeting (I’m not sure whether Mariko attended; Paul was in Helena).

Jean Bohne was there and, when I tried to show myself friendly, she made it clear she wanted no contact with us. Ironically, I sat directly in front of her and signed up Lavelda Krisko for a Chi and she handed me a cheque. Jonathan came and sat beside me and even cuddled, Lois received a prize in a drawing, and I was recognized as one achieving the manager level that evening. Finally, there was a public rebuke of using copycat Chi machines, which Jean justified herself owning, about which I had confronted her – all these things witnessed by the one who despised me and said I was diabolical and my words from the pits of hell.

We also met Bob Nelson and invited him to the farm. He said he planned to go to Kalispell, Montana to a rodeo the next day, but accepted a breakfast visit. Bob professed Christ, and Mark referred him to our site.

Particle – The Sabbath with Bob Nelson

Bob arrived about 8 a.m. on June 2nd, planning to leave by 9:30 or so. We talked about the Lord in our lives and he unburdened somewhat about many things. He was blessed, remarking on the peace we had there. Of course he didn’t know the hell we went through getting there!

I blessed his family, praying that their relationships would be corrected and blessed. I gave Bob our website and some writings: The Case for Coming Out, That Devilish Spirit of Christmas, Commitment, Acceptance, Amway, The Harvest Haven Vision, So You Want to Walk with Jesus, The Sabbath, Victims and Perpetrators, and The Vashti-Esther Transformation.

Bob told us about some people in Wisconsin, a president-level distributor of Hsin Ten Enterprises (the Chi company), Stan Howell, who, as Bob saw it, believed somewhat as we did. Stan and his group kept the Biblical Sabbath, were not part of formal church systems, practiced the gifts of the Spirit, and were into alternative health. “You might be interested in meeting them,” he said.

We were always eager to meet people like ourselves, so we took down Stan Howell’s number. Bob also said they were led by a prophetess. Now we suspected there was something wrong, but we thought we might search them out and see what came.

Marilyn received that the Chi business would perish for Bob and that the Lord would be sufficient in all things. She has had several such prophecies that never materialized.

In the next few days or weeks, Bob indicated that he was trying to get more earnest about God. He had also been embarrassed by a teasing remark from Ken Cook, who said, “You’re going out to Harvest Haven? Be careful – they’re liable to convert ya!” Bob wondered why his Christian life wasn’t evident to Ken.

Particle – Mariko Breaks

When I was sharing spiritual truths with Jonathan’s friend, Jeff Webber, Mariko was listening. She broke down, crying, and said, “It makes so much sense.”

Particle – Foes of Her Own Household

Sara described her situation: “June 10th – the day of my once-intended sermon. Mom and Dad woke me up to a mini-trial wherein I was found ‘guilty’ of talking, writing to, and hearing from, the wrong people, reading the wrong materials, and generally ruining my life. I gave no defense, merely clarifying some details, which actually could have seemed to count against me. 

Their sentence: No long-distance phone calls and no internet access from home anymore. The result: I felt like a fugitive as I used payphones to visit with Paul and the library for internet access. As they were railing and accusing, I had a feeling of joy and peace. I had the Scripture, ‘And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus’ (Philippians 4:7 KJV).”

Particle – A Terrible Brew

Often it isn’t easy to tell the difference between a mixed-up mind and a religious one. Those snared by religious indoctrination and nurturing are not a whole lot different from those with some mental handicaps. Irrationality is a key element. Religion really does make one stupid.

A lady in distress and need came to our farm and we were able to minister to her, though not entirely. Janet Payne, a Mormon woman, didn’t tell us a lot, so we were rather in the dark about what was going on with her. As we shared, we found that she had confusion, partly because of a mental condition with which she was struggling, but also because of religious Mormon indoctrination.

Many Mormons (who call themselves “Latter Day Saints”) are so overpowered by a spirit that has them thoroughly in its grasp. They are confident of their doctrinal stance, understanding, and relationship to God and yet so wrong, so very wrong. I haven’t been able to reach a Mormon for the Lord Jesus Christ. How can I unless God draws them to His Son, Whom, if they obey, will release them from their delusion and bondage?

Janet was with us for a couple of days or so, was distraught over losing her children, in conflict with her husband, was mentally confused, and religiously indoctrinated. She was lost. However, we were able to help see her through a difficult time and were glad we could do so. We would hear from her again.

Why were Mormons not helping their own? Why could they not do so? Why do we see so many Mormons suffering, without Mormon help? The same goes for Catholics, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and many other religious organizations. If they are a body, as they think, and the Body of Christ, no less, then how is it that the members rely on “the world,” outsiders, for all their needs, be they physical, mental, or spiritual? Yet they don’t see the contradiction. However, wayward members must be willing to receive their help; otherwise, the membership can’t necessarily be faulted.

Particle – Dream: Sara – The Sacrifice

Sara related:

I had a dream that was quite disturbing to me, but also gave me an overwhelming feeling of anticipation, as I knew that it was something directly from the Lord, and He was showing me what was happening or will happen.

I was in an auditorium, with walls of seats that ascended from the center, much as a nice movie theater would be set up, but much, much larger. There were thousands upon thousands of people in the seats and in the aisles. They were talking loudly, laughing, drinking, and just doing what they do, many having a good time. I was alone, not able to participate and not having anyone to talk to. In the middle of the auditorium, there was a stage set up, and on the stage was a beautifully rich, golden altar. It looked very small and far away to me, for I was in an upper seat. We were here because someone was going to be sacrificed to the Lord.

I knew I was the “intended.” I stood up and stepped into the aisle. A man was joking or laughing, and I had to step around him as I began to walk down. Slowly the vast crowd grew quiet, then grew sober as it watched me walk down to the right of the stage.

At the end of the aisle, there was a stairway leading up to the stage at my left-hand side, and there was a dark doorway straight ahead, in which stood two men of God. They took my hands, led me into the doorway, and told me to prepare myself. I was filled with anticipation and excitement, and was a little disturbed by their words. Prepare myself? Why couldn’t we just get on with it? I wanted it more than anything I had ever wanted in my life.

The room into which I had been led was like a desert. There was nothing to be seen but sand. I kneeled on the sandy floor, and began to pray that the Lord would accept me as a sacrifice to Him. I expected that the time would be short. I was wrong. Two days later I was still kneeling on the floor. My strength was gone, and I had no will left to pray. I was like a dead woman.

The two men of God came back, bringing the altar with them. One took my upper, one my lower half, and they lifted me onto the altar. It took every ounce of strength that they had to do so.

My note: The dream would be fulfilled.

Particle – A Talk with Stan Howell

I called Stan Howell on June 9th and left a message; he returned the call on the 11th. He was rather excited to hear from us. He spoke enthusiastically for two hours about various subjects in diet and alternative health care, their religious doctrines, and his spiritual leader, Kathryn “Tasha” Padilla. He said she was an apostle and prophetess who “spoke directly from God’s throne.” He also said she had all five of the “five-fold ministry.” He invited us to come and meet her.

Stan had a business partner, Steve Pflieger, who didn’t profess faith as did Stan. Stan was separated from his wife, Barb, who couldn’t accept the influence Padilla the prophetess had on her husband; Barb didn’t believe her.

I tried sharing some things with Stan, but he was out of listening territory altogether. There was nobody home. He had plenty to say and was only interested in my listening, so I listened. He sent us a great package of literature in the mail, covering many matters of health and spiritual matters.

Stan told me something I had never heard from anyone. He said one could hear from three different persons of God – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. He said all three voices were distinctly different. This was quite contrary to what God had taught us about His being One, not three. Of course, orthodox Christianity teaches there are three, but I had never heard of three different voices.

Particle – The Schussler Success

Paul and I talked about John Schussler and how high-flying he was in the world and business. He accomplished remarkably much in a short while. We could look and feel so foolish and small – and certainly we were, in the world’s terms. I could never do what John was doing; I didn’t have it. It made me wonder.

Particle – – Trevor Full of Evil and Delusion

Trevor had his say, and he had not much more than shit to speak – dreams, imaginations, rationalizations, pride, stubbornness, stupidity, rebellion, and utter childishness, not to mention whoring after Wilma Vanden Dool.

Marilyn stood with, defended, and sympathized with him and he ate out of her hand. He loved it, she loved it, and they both found solace for their fleshly lusts.

He complained about everything and destroyed or damaged goods in the process, yet justified his behavior, saying, “I’ve done things exactly the way Mark told me to do them, to the best of my ability.” He accused his mother of having an agenda, though he couldn’t or wouldn’t say what it was. He also insisted she and Mark were in unbelief. I wondered if he concluded me in unbelief, as well, though he wouldn’t say so. Why else would he confide to Marilyn and say nothing to me, unless he was deliberately rejecting truth?

Particle – If Marilyn Had Her Way

If Marilyn had her way, I would be dead and she’d be married to Sean. But if I was dead, there would be no Sabbath, no Hsin Ten Enterprises, and no Chi business. Paul and Kerri would be married, with Paul dead spiritually. Lois would still be in her fears, Sean would of course still be here, unless he and Marilyn were both gone. I would have spoken to far fewer people about spiritual matters, particularly Harvest Haven customers. There would be no spiritual website.

The list is not exhausted by any means. For now, Marilyn is here to oppose me and I must be wary and ready to resist at all times. Standing and resisting the influence, I believe her captivity will turn eventually.

Particle – Paul Is Direct with Sara

Paul told Sara everything that had been happening with us – Sean and Marilyn, his kidnapping, his various wives, everything. He told her she needed to identify with the Lord’s people, even as I told him in Israel that he had to take decisive action if he was going to please the Lord and walk with Him. Isn’t it best that there be no hiding or withholding anything from those the Lord brings to be in fellowship with us?

Particle – Why Keep a Journal?

“Aren’t you tired of writing things down?” Marilyn asked me, in a tone and spirit that seemed to suggest it wasn’t profitable to do so. It was by her persuasion that I had destroyed all past writings in 1994 or so, including prophecies, recordings of the Lord speaking to me, of visions and dreams, of events going back to the early seventies, of proverbs and statements of wisdom. Yes, it was my fault, too. Truly, I can only blame myself.

Lord, I am so sorry for having done that, thinking it was Your will! How I wish I had kept those records! Now I know who was listening to whom: Marilyn was listening to Satan, and I was listening to her.

Lord, I will not quit keeping a daily record now, and I will destroy none of it, unless You say so. Even in practical terms, having records of dates and events has often helped. And how often have I seen the perfect timings and the sovereignty of the Lord by the records! For that, I’m very thankful. How forgetful and confused we can be only a short while later while being so confident of what we think we remember!

Particle – Losers Come First

None of us wishes to be a loser, so our tendency may be to company with losers. But to become true winners, we must be willing to work and play with winners, losing until we learn from them. Winners must always be losers first that they may be winners at last.

Particle – Kerri Calls for Help

Kerri called, asking help for Steve’s daughter, Dawn. They were in Portland, Oregon trying to help her. Dawn was doing drugs, acting strange, pregnant though not married, hanging out with a boyfriend who was addicted; she demanded unconditional help. In the night, I received that she was to listen to her father if she expected him to help. Otherwise there was nothing he could or should do for her. Kerri would receive her answer.

Particle – Chiropractic Treatments Improve Mood

What a difference in the way that I feel when I get a chiropractic neck adjustment! My mood changes from anxiety and depression to peace, energy, and optimism. I had lived with my neck problem for decades and had no idea my emotional state was so adversely affected by this problem.

Particle – Leah of Eliyah and the Internet

Around the time we met Sara on the internet, we also met Leah of Australia at the Eliyah.com chatroom. As was the habit with most participants there, she took on a “spiritual” name, hers being “Yahismine.” We found that people there had external religion, trying so hard to make themselves godly by doctrine, titles, names, outward show, using Hebrew words, and perhaps more particularly, using the “correct” Name of God, that being Yah or Yahweh, and for Jesus, Yashuah or various other similar spellings.

Leah became the first major internet correspondent with us. When we first met her, she was feisty and belligerent, along with another woman there, but it wasn’t long before she was forced to humble herself and admit she was wrong, then in need, and finally in bitterness toward what she described as a hypocritical brute of a husband, who she claims abused her religiously, mentally, financially, and sexually.

We shared our writings and had much correspondence with her, explaining, answering questions, and addressing various issues, but she simply didn’t believe or understand. A major issue was one of law and grace. We tried to tell her that nobody could earn favor with God by works of the Law.

She eventually told us her husband was not giving her any money for food. Should we have sent her money? Perhaps we should have, but we didn’t feel right about it. It wasn’t long before she became embittered with us, reverting to her original nasty self, and by the end of June, our relationship ended.

Particle – Be Forthright and Direct

Leah was a primary lesson for us and we would have many more similar ones. We learned that people were religious but without faith, full of talk and no walk, unwilling to listen, ready to fault and argue, and presuming to know better. We also learned we needed to cut to the chase, get direct from the start, forget about getting into doctrine and religious issues, and quit trying to befriend or postpone the almost inevitable – the walk away in unbelief.

We were learning to not be deceived by smokescreens, to address the heart, the person. It would take much time to learn but learn we did. God was using many people and circumstances to train us. Though He had taught Paul and me much over the decades, now it was time to learn how to deal directly and forthrightly with all comers, particularly those who professed faith but had none. We would discover that this description included everyone.