PART SEVEN – Surprise Visitors to Day 888 (cont.)
And I wrote to Jonathan:
What a wonderful mother you have and what a wonderful relationship with her… flying with her out the window, hand-in-hand! I think I had something like that with you until the stock market indulgence, and then it perished. Son, I’m sorry for what I took away from you, and I mourn my losing you. I hope that one day we will all be able to hold hands and fly together, in heart, in full pleasure.
In the meantime, son, lay down the sword, I beg of you, and take up the plowshare. Sow sustenance and do not reap life of another. Live and let live. Submit to the yoke placed on you, humble yourself before all, serve rather than expecting service, and God will be with you.
I’ve missed my boy since ‘93;
Money was all that I could see;
Even robbed him of maternity;
Without my boy since ‘93.
Hung a plaque up on the wall,
The words of which would say it all,
And failed in my duty to heed the call;
The very thought makes my skin crawl.
Son, don’t ever cry, the fault’s not yours;
I’m persuaded the Lord will even scores.
How does He do it? By the blood He pours;
I hope we’ll meet again on better shores.
Mom, please don’t spoil our little boy.
Like me, he’ll miss both peace and joy.
Himself and others, he’ll annoy,
And we won’t have our little boy.
But do us both a favor, please,
See he minds all q’s and p’s,
Gains knowledge in all he does and sees
So that in the end, the Lord he’ll please.
Moon River Estates,
January 29, 1998
Particle – Parting Message to the Others
To all those who have borne the burdens and conflicts, and have believed, suffering hardships and wrongs for His sake, receive your rewards for the glory of God. Blessed is that one who receives and succours a messenger of God, a brother or sister in Christ, and woe to the one who offends and turns his own way, even for a short time. The Lord be with you all.
Please forgive me for my wrongs to all of you, for my curses, my evil criticisms, and my anger. Love one another and never speak ill of one another, even secretly within your own hearts. God’s ears are bigger than ours. He will not be deceived. And these things being His will, there’s only reward in serving Him. The Lord comes!
January 29, 11:16 AM
The Lord has given me instruction
To wait and fast and pray,
To submit to this preparation,
To accept all, come what may.
“Come, My darling, come away
To a land where there’s only day;
Loving hearts await you there,
Where you’ll rest, free from all care.
Come, My friend, why hesitate?
I know, you’re thinking about your mate.
She’ll be okay, I promise you,
I have yet more for her to do.
The time will come to meet again,
Not in a bog but pleasant glen,
Where you’ll meet with warm embrace,
With joy and gladness, face to face.
Your son, Jonathan, I gave to you.
I’ll make sure his heart is true,
And when their time is finally through,
I’ll restore them both to you.”
Moon River Estates
January 29, 1998
Particle – Two Entities at Odds Within
I’ve believed from the beginning that it was the will of God for a believer to attain unto the victorious walk in this life, to overcome unto the end, to enter that rest God has prepared for at least some, if not all. It’s been my conviction, true or false, that God has willed to manifest His sons here on earth, in this life, for His glory.
I haven’t seen such happen, but we’ve heard of many striving for it. I think Hannah Hurnard spoke of it and even suggested she had attained to it. Did she? Did others? I knew I hadn’t.
Somehow, it seemed I’d seen that victory in some. Where? In whom? Was Brian Sherry such a person? Was he the only one I’d witnessed? I didn’t think so. But those who have attained are dead; they don’t boast or flaunt or command or argue. They’re without selfishness, and the Shekinah glory, unseen by the worldly eye, radiates from them, as from Moses in a figure.
But God alone can bring this about, with no help from anyone. It is as a metamorphosis, not something one achieves, but what one passively, without credit to himself, experiences. It’s something that happens to him, not something he does, though he has been required to labor for it and, finally, fail to obtain. Then comes God’s sovereign mercy to do His good pleasure.
When the Lord spoke of two entities vying for power, I thought it was about Marilyn and me. I also thought it was about Sean and me. But Marilyn and I had also discussed how it was two within me – flesh, the carnal man, that man of sin, the son of perdition, and the spiritual man. True! This is it. They are in deadly combat:
“For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh. And these are contrary to one another; lest whatever you may will, these things you do” (Galatians 5:17 MKJV).
It had come to a head and one now, of necessity, would have to die… or both would die if the wrong one died. The spiritual man would have to, and would, prevail. God has willed it so, and so He came to accomplish it.
The battle that raged within was as good as won by the One on the white horse, Who is called “Faithful and True.” He leads armies clothed in fine linen, white and clean, all riding white horses. The time and purpose of the chaff have been fulfilled. It must now be cast off, lest it restrain the kernel any longer. The wheat is ready for flour. It’s time, at long last; it’s time.
During this fast, I contemplated the reality of the two natures that battle within each believer. The Lord was teaching me that He is about reconciling and not destroying the first Adam in us. Did He not provide skins for Adam and Eve? Did He not also provide them Abel, Seth, and by Seth, the Messiah?
Had Adam and Eve repented and confessed their sin? Not that I’m aware. They wouldn’t take blame, but passed it where they could, even on God. But God planned the salvation of all men and will perform it perfectly. If this is not so, not one of us will be redeemed; it is all a sham.
I look back at my life with regret and remorse
Because the carnal man has reigned on the throne, of course.
The spiritual man has been battered and bruised;
He has tried to fight, but was often confused.
“This is my friend, partner and roommate!
Why does he fight me, so full of hate?
He said he agreed with all that I do
And believed the Lord to be entirely true!
What’s this? I find him my enemy!
What he really is, now I’m given to see.
To defeat his cause, the Lord will help me
And only then will we both be free.
He’ll be put in his place and raised from the dead,
And the Lord, not he, will rule instead.
From now on, we won’t hate but adore,
Shouting in unison, ‘Let there be no more war.’”
Moon River Estates
January 29, 1998
Particle – Missing Sneakers Solve a Problem
I had just bought a pair of sneakers, yet to be used. Marilyn and I discussed taking them back, seeing I might not need them, but I wasn’t going to have them returned until I was gone. I think I recalled seeing my new sneakers taken away. I couldn’t find them. Marilyn had taken them back already, and I was angry for what I saw as her presumption and eagerness for my death. She either had full conviction that I was dying or lack of desire that I live, or both. Indeed, I was angry.
This reaction on the heels of a glowing appraisal of my wife as a godly woman! Here we go with a stark demonstration of the carnal man in power – me, unchanged. What could I do about it? Now I sat, consumed by this matter, which would be considered most tedious, yet was so significant to me.
Surely, the Lord would have to slay me. He would have to do away with me in one way or another. I couldn’t live this way. It wasn’t life, but death; not Heaven, but hell; not anything good at all. And I may as well have tried sprouting wings and flying as being able to control my anger.
If I didn’t need those shoes, fine, but I spent a good half day shopping for them, only to lose them over a presumptuous, desirous, hopeful attitude on Marilyn’s part that I was soon to be gone (and it now seems obvious that I didn’t really believe I was going to die). I felt rejected, abused, hated, despised, and a fool for hugging and weeping with her.
Why? Lord, what hell! What corruption! Is it not clear that something has to give? I think that even if it is her conviction, still she could wait. But no – it’s like she wants me dead, not just believing I will die. God, help, please! Why these kinds of things torment me so, I shouldn’t even bother to try to understand anymore. I only ask that they or I cease to be, whatever the reasons.
But I think, Marilyn, that I should not praise you as I did. Evil does work in you as it does in me. God alone deserves praise and perhaps my discovery of the missing sneakers, minutes after praising you, is His sovereign way of correcting me in that, and you too.
Suddenly, with that last paragraph, I was pacified! How wondrously the Lord works – arranging acts well ahead of words, thoughts, and attitudes, to correct them, rebuking foolish thoughts before they come. He reveals His sovereignty over the most miniscule of matters, delivering us in our foolishness, bringing understanding and peace, glorifying Himself.
Suddenly, I wasn’t the least angry! Lord, bless You! You answer.
Particle – Destroy Everybody and Everything
Several times I have said to God, not idly, “Lord, I am so sick of the evil in this world. I want to see all unrighteousness put away in the earth, and if it means destroying me, too, so be it.” Well, I believed this was it, finally.
Once I asked the Lord how I would die. I heard that I would go with fire. Then I recalled the vision in 1987 at Paul’s place of the star hitting the earth, knowing I was that star. God is a consuming fire. He destroys “that wicked one” with the breath of His mouth and the brightness of His coming. I also perceived that this passage applied to me:
“By the host of your iniquities, by the iniquity of your trade, you have profaned your holy places; so I brought a fire from your midst; it shall devour you, and I will give you for ashes on the earth, before the eyes of all who see you” (Ezekiel 28:18 MKJV).
Some believe that Isaiah 14 and Ezekiel 28 speak of Satan, his pride and fall, but I say they speak of the man of sin that is within each and every one of us.
Particle – Opposites to Be Reconciled
Reconciled to God and with each other, the children of the flesh will no longer persecute or mimic the children of the Spirit. The Lord will reconcile all things to Himself, and it follows that He will reconcile the natures within each of His children to effect such reconciliation. Hence, we have the fulfillment within ourselves of Isaiah 11:6-10:
“Also the wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the cub lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them. And the cow and the bear shall feed; their young ones shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. And the suckling child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the adder’s den.
They shall not hurt or destroy in all My holy mountain; for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea. And in that day there shall be the Root of Jesse standing for a banner of the people; to Him the nations shall seek; and His resting place shall be glorious” (Isaiah 11:6-10 MKJV).
As well as:
“The wolf and the lamb will feed together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox; and dust will be the food of the snake. They will not hurt nor destroy in all My holy mountain, says the LORD” (Isaiah 65:25 MKJV).
And:
“And it shall be in that day, the LORD shall again set His hand, the second time, to recover the remnant of His people that remains, from Assyria and from Egypt, and from Pathros, and from Ethiopia, and from Persia, and from Shinar, and from Hamath, and from the coasts of the sea” (Isaiah 11:11 MKJV).
“He draws His sword a second time, and I am not alone.” – The Shadow of the Gallows Tree
There was a battle for my soul; my redemption was God’s goal. What a life of pure hell I’d had, and others with me! The pages of my history were black, indeed. I hang my head in shame, totally unrighteous, unworthy, condemned. But the Lord comes to rectify, make new, to save. What I have tried to reach and achieve by effort, He would now freely give. No longer will it be my faith, but His:
“He delights not in the strength of the horse; He takes no pleasure in the legs of a man. The LORD takes pleasure in those who fear Him, who hope in His mercy” (Psalms 147:10-11 MKJV).
Particle – Dream: The Silly Farm
In the night of January 29th, I dreamt of Archie, Cathie, Danny, Paul, and Kerri. They were all acting stupid-silly. I had never seen Paul “bouncy,” as one uses the word, but he was bouncy that night.
I said, “What’s going on here? Sober up!” They knew they were wrong, but I wasn’t getting through. They changed their outward expressions somewhat to conform to my rebukes, but I could see that inwardly, they were saying, “To hell with you! As soon as you’re out of sight, we’ll do as we please, and we want to be light and silly. We don’t care, and we hate what you say.” It was ugly. When one sums it up, wasn’t that the way it had been?
Particle – Kerri’s Unrealistic Expectations
Kerri had unrealistic ideas of many things. One of those was how provision for the farm would come. She insisted that we didn’t have to be concerned about trying to make the farm pay for itself, that all we had to do was trust God and He would provide. While what she was saying was certainly true, I didn’t find the thought even inviting, much less tempting. I didn’t have a witness that she was coming from the right place.
What she was advocating could well have been a matter of exercising faith, but I just couldn’t imagine taking the approach she seemed to be suggesting and still being provided for. When I asked her what we should be doing in the meantime, she had no ideas or suggestions. I felt that we would collectively rot, our idle hands turning to every kind of evil, even debauchery. I could have had the wrong impression of where she was coming from.
I recall Kerri declaring years later that she and Paul would be able to make me so much money I wouldn’t know what to do with it all. It was “as easy as falling off a log.” Her secret? She and Paul “came from families who knew how to make money; it was their life, in their genes; they couldn’t fail.”
I told her she was wrong, that I had learned differently from the Lord while in mutuals, but she didn’t believe me. That was me, she seemed to think, but this was them.
The bad part wasn’t her having an opinion, but her not submitting to authority and what the Lord was doing and what we were asking of her as part of the community. She therefore couldn’t learn and wasn’t corrected of unreality, which was soon to lead her to one of her fantasy ventures, her bakery and café, Neighbors, in Great Falls.
Particle – A Message of Promise and Hope
I began to pray in tongues and then received the interpretation:
“I am coming soon; take heart. No longer will you be moaning under grievous burdens. As the jailer comes to release a prisoner, I come to release you. It is the time of your release, not your execution. I have pardoned your sin. I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but great pleasure in mercy.”
I’d never felt so bad… lonely, sad, afraid, desolate, forlorn, forsaken, and without any consolation of mind. I wasn’t subject to uncomfortable external circumstances. I wasn’t naked or freezing, in a dungeon, starving, or on a rack, tortured and abused, but I don’t recall ever feeling such affliction of soul.
At times, I had fear; at times I marveled; but always there was a deep sadness. Shouldn’t I be ecstatic, almost unable to contain myself at the words the Lord had just spoken? But I was yet on the side of loss, pain, and darkness, and could only depend on looking to His many promises to see me through to the dawn. If I looked back, it was worse; if I looked forward, I had some relief.
In 1971, just before I came to faith, Harry Roder of Concept Therapy red my palm and told me my life would be cut short, indicated by the break of a main crease in the palm of my right hand, that line that goes from the point of the hand between the base of the index finger and the thumb, curving down to the base of the hand at the center of the wrist. Archie also claimed to have prophesied that I would not live long. Was my life to end before I reached my 52nd year?
Yet my life did end as it was in the world when I became a believer just two years after Harry spoke these things to me. He was right!
Harry Roder said something else. He looked at my nose and forehead and said I would be giving my life in serving mankind. How much truth was there in these things he spoke? Is our destiny written in our bodies? Why not?
Particle – Mysteries Not Necessarily Hidden to Unbelievers
Was Harry right or wrong? Why wouldn’t or shouldn’t God write the future in His creation? Why should the secrets of His writing be altogether hidden from all? The Zodiac has been abused and misinterpreted by the ignorant and superstitious; consequently, it has been condemned by nominal Christendom. The stars and constellations, however, form a testimony of God concerning the realities of His creation:
“The heavens declare the glory of God; and the expanse proclaims His handiwork” (Psalms 19:1 MKJV).
Because evil workers have put their stamp of pagan belief in the stars and perverted that which was once good doesn’t make those things evil. The Gospel is written in the stars. It is also purported to be written in the Great Pyramid of Giza. Certainly, that structure possesses fascinating details, the great multitude of which few, if any, understand. What is God saying in that structure, of which the capstone is conspicuously missing? And Who is the Capstone (Cornerstone)?
The Aztecs, Incas, Mayans, and other Native American peoples had prophecies that have come to pass. Centuries earlier, they prophesied of a white man who would come from the ocean and conquer. Cortez came and conquered. Granted, it may have been prophets of God who originally spoke these things, which were passed on to other generations. Still, the messages were there.
What about the prophecies coming forth from unbelieving men in Scripture? Balaam prophesied of Israel, as God put the words in his mouth. Cyrus of Persia prophesied by the Spirit of God, as did Pharaoh Necho (2 Chronicles 35:20-27) and Caiaphas the High Priest at the time of Christ (John 11:49-51). If Caiaphas, who crucified the Lord of glory, could prophesy accurately, why not anyone else?
As believers in Christ, we must put away our egocentricity or suffer the consequences, as did Josiah, the king of Judah, a faithful man of God who wouldn’t heed Pharaoh Necho’s warning.
On February 2, 1998, Day 496 from the prophecy, I felt to take a walk to the river near our home. As I went, I thought, “What a waste of time! What am I doing?” Then I was given to consider how productive the hours we spend really are.
We have 24 hours in a day. On average, 8 of those are spent sleeping. About 3 hours are spent in preparation of food and eating – for some, counting shopping and cleanup, much more. Perhaps another 2 hours or more are spent on recreation, vacations, hygiene, resting, and talking. That already makes 13 hours of what could be considered unproductiveness.
Assuming we live to be 80, consider that the first 10 or more years of our lives are more dependent than productive, as are the last 10 for many, which would translate into another approximate 6 hours per day, for a total of 19 hours per day of unproductiveness. Besides that, we suffer illnesses and injuries, delays, losses, failures, and various unforeseen circumstances, which could cost us any number of hours; let us safely estimate 1 more to bring the total to 20. That leaves us with no more than 4 hours, or one sixth of time in our lives, for what we consider to be productive.
And what do we work for? As we peruse history, it is filled with violence and destruction. Much of what we “usefully produce” is taken away, without consent or compensation. So what is waste? And what is productivity?
Particle – Vision: Deer, Wolf, and Lamb
I brought a lawn chair with me to the beach by the river and sat down with my back to the chilly wind. Soon, in my mind’s eye, a deer approached from behind and came within a few feet of me to my left (I was sitting downwind, silent and still). It didn’t see me. Suddenly, for some evil reason, I decided to jump up and scare it, shouting and flailing my arms (in my mind, not externally). The deer was greatly startled, almost to a heart attack, and fled for its life. I sat down again.
Then I thought, “Why did you do that? What good reason was there for that? You did it for perverse pleasure and entertainment.” Ashamed, I sat there, admitting how depraved and destructive a creature I was. The deer had been adversely affected for time to come – more than we realize, in ways we don’t realize, just as people can be affected for life by traumatic experiences.
Then came a wolf, a healthy one about the size of a large German Shepherd. It also approached from behind and to my left, just where the deer had stood. I thought, “Am I in danger?” But it stood about eight feet away and looked at me quietly. I felt no threat.
And then suddenly, on my right, stood a lamb. It was young and small, yet healthy and plump, and it was very woolly. It just stood there, about eight feet or so away, slightly ahead of me, as was the wolf.
Both the wolf and the lamb laid down where each stood. Under the wolf’s feet was long, luscious green grass. As it lay, it began to eat the grass. The lamb did nothing but lie there and look ahead at nothing in particular, unafraid.
The wolf enjoyed the grass considerably. When done, it casually arose and walked over to the lamb. The lamb suddenly perked up and cocked its head, as if to say, “Uh, oh! What’s this?” The wolf then laid down on the right side of the lamb, facing in the same direction, side by side. The lamb just sat there, suspicion dissipating.
The wolf began to lick the lamb’s face. Oh, if words could describe the joy and thankfulness that suddenly coursed through that lamb’s entire being! It didn’t show it outwardly, yet I could see and feel it.
In a few minutes they got up, walked around, sniffed and grazed. At that point, I thought, “Couldn’t it be that, as a lion or tiger raised from a cub or kitten can grow up to suddenly, inexplicably turn on a child or owner, so this wolf, without warning, could follow its nature and instincts and… ‘So long, lamb’?”
The answer was an instant, “No.” The wolf had been eating grass, thoroughly enjoying it, even as the lamb lay helplessly nearby and available. Neither was the wolf restrained in any way. It could never revert back to its old nature. “…and on earth peace, goodwill toward men,” or, “and on earth, peace to men of goodwill.”
As I sat there, I recalled what I had said: “Lord, wipe away all evil, and if it includes me, so be it.” It occurred to me that not only must it include, but it must begin with, me.
Particle – Pride Trumps Practicality
Jonathan asked for a walking stick. Why a walking stick? Why not? I’ve often sensed and even tasted when trying one out that a walking stick is good. Consider that in ancient times they used staves. Why not now? One gets support while walking, can lean on it, fight off a dog, defend oneself from attackers, poke, pry, reach, leverage – there are many practical uses.
I’ve been reluctant to have and use one, lest any should think I was trying to look like a prophet or be pretentious, a notion people occasionally may have about staves.
Why do people worship the Joneses, conform to the crowd, wear the same clothes, “speak the same language,” drive the same cars, join the same clubs, belong to the same churches, shop at the same stores around the world, and eat the same food? Why do women wear high heels? Why do men wear suits and ties?
Are these necessarily good for one or do they serve some practical purpose? Not necessarily, but they do it anyway. This world isn’t a practical one by any means – it’s all part of its existence in death and hell since the beginning of time.
How surprising when nonconformity sometimes works so much better than convention! Ghandi used passive resistance and overcame British occupation, though empires have been established by force of arms. A saw blade set backwards in a circular saw will cut substances harder than wood. The Bamix beater works by implosion. I have a nail clipper that is convex instead of concave. Does it make sense, seeing the shape of the finger is convex? But it works, and in my opinion, better than the other – I love it. Countless inventions have come by persisting when experts would cry, “Impossible,” as with Henry Ford’s 8 cylinders in one block.
While people think one must eat to be healthy, healing often comes by fasting instead of eating, and disease often comes by eating.
How does the Lord deliver us from the things we fear? He does it not by removing those things or by separating us from them – we are to walk through the valley of the shadow of death.
The Bible speaks of laboring to enter into rest (which is what I was doing at the time of this writing). Does not one rest to prepare to enter into labor? Lois once received, concerning her conflict with Howard: “Give the enemy what he wants and he will flee from you.” Lois gave up her precious son to her husband who demanded him, and the enemy was defeated. Jesus said, “Keep your life and you’ll lose it; lose it for My sake and you’ll have it.”
Many things we have thought to be good were evil, and vice versa. One man was so depressed he wished to kill himself. He thought of exercising himself to a heart attack. It didn’t work. The more he pushed himself, the healthier he got and the better he felt. (I’m not suggesting this works for everyone.)
Those who succeed ask, “Why?” and “Why not?” of the simplest matters. Drive, delve, dig, dare, defy, determine, deny, destroy, even die, if necessary (and usually it is), then do, deliver, and dominate. Indeed, nothing worthy is accomplished without the shedding of blood.
Have faith and nothing will be impossible to you. That’s what Jesus said. Throw that word “can’t” entirely out of your vocabulary. Throw off those binding cords; chew them off, cut them with your toenails, sit behind a magnifying glass and burn them off with the sun’s concentrated rays, find a mouse to sever them, or shrink and they’ll fall off.
That’s often the solution! Shrink and chains fall off. Humble yourself.
How are we bound? Not by external bonds but those within. We are fat with custom, tradition, decorum, logic, pride, conformity, sloth, negligence, complacency, selfishness, man-pleasing, fear, worry, doubt, and ignorance. If we cease feeding ourselves, if we humble ourselves, we diminish in power and size, and off the cords fall, without a cut or any external device. The answer is always within.
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