(This is an archived correspondence at The Path of Truth. We have sent notification to the correspondent.)
My NAME is Chris. I have been in a relationship for two years. My Girlfriend and I started dating September 1st of 2013. Since then I have been a constant battle with sexual temptation. On multiple occasions I have fallen short of my commitment to her and have slept with different partners. A LOT of partners. 11 to be exact. All in one year. From march of 2014 to march of 2015. Each time feeling more and more guilty than the time before. I just could not stop my lustful desires. I tried by myself and I just couldn't do it.
But since march of 2015 I made a commitment and a covenant with myself and God and a true commitment to my girlfriend. The commitment that she believes i have been honoring since the first time we began dating. and it has been awesome!!! not looking at women with lust in my heart, looking at my beautiful woman with joy and thanksgiving, thanking the lord everyday for his gift. I realized what i had already known which was that she was sent to me by God to get my life back on track. My girlfriend has since become my fiancé and is pregnant with our first child.
I know that with my sincere repentance and acceptance of Christ in my life and by my asking him to forgive me because of my lustful desires that I have been forgiven. I just cant get over this guilt!!!! Is this guilt my punishment. I think about telling her all that I have done. But then I think about all that will be lost because of my weaknesses!!!!
Before we started getting serious in our relationship, this was a couple of months into us dating, we spoke about what we would do if we ever found out that we cheated on one another and I know she will leave me. Regardless of the experiences we have had, regardless of the times we have shared, regardless of how awesome she may think I am or how awesome i KNOW she is, even us having a child. She may even forgive me!!!!! infact i know she will forgive me!!! but I betrayed her in such a way that i know that if i told her everything in detail with whom and where those transgressions took place i KNOW she will no longer be able to trust me. And a relationship is built on trust. Once that is gone then so is my relationship.
And the thought of her crying just brings me to TEARS!!!! THAT THOUGHT MAKES ME CRY AND IT HURTS SO MUCH!!!! The thought of me hurting her the way that I have still brings tears to my eyes even as i am typing this letter. She has been everything to me. She has been a wife to me, before I even proposed to her. But because of my weakness and desires for the flesh. I may have lost the one thing that I know God has given me to get my life back on track. His gift to me that I prayed for since I was younger.
Should i tell her and lose everything? or what ??? ive been praying about this and i believe that i should tell her everthing. but then i read the scripture and it say that i should confess my sins to Our father and Once they have been acknowledge and with true, fervent, and sincere repentance and acceptance of Christ Jesus will you be forgiven. I truly do believe that.
Respectfully sent,
Chris
Should I confess my sin to my fiancé?
-
Paul Cohen
Re: Should I confess my sin to my fiancé?
Hi Chris,
You ask us about your girlfriend whom you betrayed multiple times:
“Should i tell her and lose everything? or what ??? ive been praying about this and i believe that i should tell her everthing. but then i read the scripture and it say that i should confess my sins to Our father and Once they have been acknowledge and with true, fervent, and sincere repentance and acceptance of Christ Jesus will you be forgiven. I truly do believe that.”
What about this?
“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24 ESV).
How can you have peace with God while you've been lying to your neighbor? Don't you think your girlfriend has something against you, even if she doesn't know what happened, and perhaps particularly because she doesn't?
“Should i tell her and lose everything? or what ??? ive been praying about this and i believe that i should tell her everthing.”
You heard right. You need to confess everything to her; there's no other way.
And if she won't receive your confession and apology (if you're repentant as you say), then so be it. You have no right to expect her to believe or trust you again, even if God has given her to you as a wife, which we're not saying He has. It sounds like you began a relationship in fornication, which begot more fornication. Aren't you aware that it's not right to be sleeping with a woman to whom God has not joined you in marriage?
Whatever the case, when we break something, we can't go to God as a magic genie to make the thing whole. That's not His role or the way things work. He reigns over everything according to His will, not man's. Peace comes to us when we're submitted to His will. It's not as man thinks, that peace comes when God is submitted to our will.
If you believe and obey God, doing what's right before Him, we can guarantee that you will have the best outcome possible, because He guarantees it:
“Truly, truly, I say to you, He who hears My Word and believes on Him Who sent Me has everlasting life and shall not come into condemnation, but has passed from death to life” (John 5:24 MKJV).
“And Jesus said to them, I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes on Me shall never thirst” (John 6:35 MKJV).
“He who believes on Me, as the Scripture has said, "Out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.” (John 7:38 MKJV).
“Jesus said to her, I am the Resurrection and the Life! He who believes in Me, though he die, yet he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26 MKJV)
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28 MKJV).
If you want to preserve your life, Chris, having things just the way you want them, then coming to the Lord is the last thing to do. Don't play religious games with Him, as men do and teach in their churches. You don't “accept” the Lord. You accept His terms of truth and love, which are unconditional surrender:
Luke 14:26-35 KJV
(26) If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.
(27) And whosoever does not bear his cross, and come after Me, cannot be My disciple.
(28) For which of you, intending to build a tower, sits not down first, and counts the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?
(29) Lest haply, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him,
(30) Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish.
(31) Or what king, going to make war against another king, sits not down first, and consults whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that comes against him with twenty thousand?
(32) Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends an ambassador, and desires conditions of peace.
(33) So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsakes not all that he has, he cannot be My disciple.
(34) Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his savor, wherewith shall it be seasoned?
(35) It is neither fit for the land, nor yet for the dunghill; but men cast it out. He that has ears to hear, let him hear.
You have to lose your “everything.” If you take His Name (claim to believe and love Him) and continue to do your own thing, your taking it in vain and He will not hold you guiltless. You will suffer for it.
For starters, you need to immediately stop having sexual relations with your girlfriend. Every time you touch her it's another betrayal. You're taking from her what wasn't yours in the first place, and which she hasn't agreed to give you if you betrayed her.
And when you confess, no pleading or whitewashing what you did to smooth things over - just the truth, let the chips fall where they may. You need to treat her as a sister until the matrimonial matter is cleared up, and I'm not talking going to the Justice of the Peace. Only what the Justice of Heaven decrees is right and will stand.
Does your girlfriend believe in the Lord Jesus Christ or is she religious? Did her parents teach her to abstain from fornication - do they approve of her decisions?
Have you been reading on our website at all? Have you shared it with your girlfriend? Why did you choose to write us about your situation?
Do you understand what you need to do now? Do you have any questions? Don't hesitate to ask, Chris, and let us know how things go.
Paul Cohen
www.ThePathofTruth.com
You ask us about your girlfriend whom you betrayed multiple times:
“Should i tell her and lose everything? or what ??? ive been praying about this and i believe that i should tell her everthing. but then i read the scripture and it say that i should confess my sins to Our father and Once they have been acknowledge and with true, fervent, and sincere repentance and acceptance of Christ Jesus will you be forgiven. I truly do believe that.”
What about this?
“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24 ESV).
How can you have peace with God while you've been lying to your neighbor? Don't you think your girlfriend has something against you, even if she doesn't know what happened, and perhaps particularly because she doesn't?
“Should i tell her and lose everything? or what ??? ive been praying about this and i believe that i should tell her everthing.”
You heard right. You need to confess everything to her; there's no other way.
And if she won't receive your confession and apology (if you're repentant as you say), then so be it. You have no right to expect her to believe or trust you again, even if God has given her to you as a wife, which we're not saying He has. It sounds like you began a relationship in fornication, which begot more fornication. Aren't you aware that it's not right to be sleeping with a woman to whom God has not joined you in marriage?
Whatever the case, when we break something, we can't go to God as a magic genie to make the thing whole. That's not His role or the way things work. He reigns over everything according to His will, not man's. Peace comes to us when we're submitted to His will. It's not as man thinks, that peace comes when God is submitted to our will.
If you believe and obey God, doing what's right before Him, we can guarantee that you will have the best outcome possible, because He guarantees it:
“Truly, truly, I say to you, He who hears My Word and believes on Him Who sent Me has everlasting life and shall not come into condemnation, but has passed from death to life” (John 5:24 MKJV).
“And Jesus said to them, I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes on Me shall never thirst” (John 6:35 MKJV).
“He who believes on Me, as the Scripture has said, "Out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.” (John 7:38 MKJV).
“Jesus said to her, I am the Resurrection and the Life! He who believes in Me, though he die, yet he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26 MKJV)
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28 MKJV).
If you want to preserve your life, Chris, having things just the way you want them, then coming to the Lord is the last thing to do. Don't play religious games with Him, as men do and teach in their churches. You don't “accept” the Lord. You accept His terms of truth and love, which are unconditional surrender:
Luke 14:26-35 KJV
(26) If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.
(27) And whosoever does not bear his cross, and come after Me, cannot be My disciple.
(28) For which of you, intending to build a tower, sits not down first, and counts the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?
(29) Lest haply, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him,
(30) Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish.
(31) Or what king, going to make war against another king, sits not down first, and consults whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that comes against him with twenty thousand?
(32) Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends an ambassador, and desires conditions of peace.
(33) So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsakes not all that he has, he cannot be My disciple.
(34) Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his savor, wherewith shall it be seasoned?
(35) It is neither fit for the land, nor yet for the dunghill; but men cast it out. He that has ears to hear, let him hear.
You have to lose your “everything.” If you take His Name (claim to believe and love Him) and continue to do your own thing, your taking it in vain and He will not hold you guiltless. You will suffer for it.
For starters, you need to immediately stop having sexual relations with your girlfriend. Every time you touch her it's another betrayal. You're taking from her what wasn't yours in the first place, and which she hasn't agreed to give you if you betrayed her.
And when you confess, no pleading or whitewashing what you did to smooth things over - just the truth, let the chips fall where they may. You need to treat her as a sister until the matrimonial matter is cleared up, and I'm not talking going to the Justice of the Peace. Only what the Justice of Heaven decrees is right and will stand.
Does your girlfriend believe in the Lord Jesus Christ or is she religious? Did her parents teach her to abstain from fornication - do they approve of her decisions?
Have you been reading on our website at all? Have you shared it with your girlfriend? Why did you choose to write us about your situation?
Do you understand what you need to do now? Do you have any questions? Don't hesitate to ask, Chris, and let us know how things go.
Paul Cohen
www.ThePathofTruth.com