What is Love?

[Isaiah Dillard]

An excerpt from the Theo-Autobiography Part Two: Page 2 , that I believe is fitting for this section.


What Is Love?

“As an unbeliever dating girls, I knew that in good conscience, I couldn’t tell them I loved them. I recall guys telling girls they loved them just so they could seduce and bed them. Even as an unbeliever, it seemed to me that love, as I understood it, was too serious a matter to fool with or pretend possessing.

Love of a woman to me meant I had a unique connection to one special person, knowing I wanted, or was destined, to spend my life with her in sacred, lifelong matrimony. I didn’t feel that way toward any of the girls I ever knew, when it came right down to it. I don’t have that understanding (or lack of it) of love now, but that’s what I believed then.

I proposed to two women. The first was Mary Jane Junker, who rejected me. I told her I loved her, but I knew (and most likely she knew) that though I was attracted to her, I didn’t love her in the truest sense.

When I became a believer, I wanted to marry Marilyn Paul and proposed to her, but we weren’t destined to be one. I seemed to love her, but by then I was learning there was more about love than I understood, imagined, or had been taught.

But what is love? Though love is arguably subjective, I came to realize that what the world calls love is not the true, most important, kind of love. What Hollywood portrays as love is not true love; what worldly songwriters describe as love is not true love.

Love the way they define it is, “I love what you do to me, what you do for me, and how you make me feel. For that, I would do this, that, or the other for you – ‘swim the deepest ocean, climb the highest mountain,’ and so forth.” They are talking primarily receiving benefits, a willingness to give or pay something, as long as they receive. They are talking self-serving feelings and emotions driving the will.

When I hear people say, “I love you,” I have discerned that they often speak of feelings, of a condition of their being, and not of intent or willful commitment to the person they address. They may be temporarily moved by emotion – happiness, excitement, flattery, compliment, favorable impression, or sexual passion. They may be affected by intoxication or something they ate (like chocolate) that stimulates them biologically, mentally, and emotionally. That is not the love of God, the true and high love we all need. He is above all these things, and so is His love. (I don’t think He even eats chocolate.)

While there is not necessarily a problem with telling someone you love him or her, I believe that those who talk more do less; I have seen it time and time again. It seems as though they try to speak into existence that which they lack, but think they should have. On the other hand, I have seen those who don’t talk just do.

Hollywood has developed and communicated a definition of love that is one of the biggest and most hurtful lies every told. Men and women fall in love with each other. Teenage boys and girls have crushes, and both sexes become almost irrational in their feelings for one another. But is that love? What is love?

Perhaps better to ask, “What is God’s definition of love?” This is not something to be studied or intellectually apprehended. One can have an understanding of true love only by His gift of understanding.

This is one of the first things the Lord taught me at the start of our walk as husband and wife with Him, when we received His Spirit. God taught me that love is not a matter of emotion or passion or feeling, but a matter of the will. His definition is different from what one learns in the world.

As a result, Marilyn was perplexed. “You never tell me you love me, and I don’t feel free to tell you I love you. Why is that?” she would ask. And when she told me she loved me, I would ask her what she meant by it.

Those depending on good feelings for happiness, and searching for relationships based on those passions, are as those focusing on riches, eventually “piercing themselves through with many sorrows.” They quickly grow disillusioned, and well they should, because a foundation on passion and good feelings is nothing but sifting sand. Even those in the world know that when the “honeymoon” is over (and it evaporates rather quickly), and reality kicks in, feelings have a tough time maintaining their original identities.

Faults, weaknesses, and undisclosed secrets surface; assumptions prove unjustified, and a growing lackadaisical attitude takes over. Guards are lowered, deodorant is forgotten, bowel movements smell, moods swing with nowhere to hide, private eating habits are unveiled, reactions are now less restrained, and a host of other unpleasant surprises make their debut.

Soon the theatre promoting perfect Hollywood love starts to empty, leaving behind paper cartons, squished popcorn, wrappers, and spilled drinks on the seats and floors. The movie is over, and the exit leads back to the real world many find difficult to face and navigate. The test of character and will resumes.

When one opens a can of tomatoes and sees what’s inside, who needs the label any longer? The contents tell the true story, and they alone matter. Could it be that the contents are lacking in the husband or the wife if one must constantly look at the label? Only the contents of the can will nourish and appease hunger, even if the label is tossed. True love will overcome all insecurity, as only a true, unselfish love can.

As believers, man and wife should know they love each other, without having to be told or reassured, unlike in the world where they don’t know the love of God, and nothing is ever sure.

The true “I love you” means, “I am here for you, even if it costs me; no matter what, I’m committed.” The true “I love you” is rarely spoken; there is no need for the speech. True love is manifest, and it doesn’t need to be labeled or proclaimed.

Jesus’ brutal death on the cross for our sakes is undoubtedly the supreme demonstration of true love. He didn’t die for us because He was feeling all fuzzy inside just looking at us, or because of how we made Him feel. He died because He chose to do so for our sakes. It didn’t make Him feel good. It wasn’t about feelings or about what we could do for Him. His love was a matter of doing something not fanciful, but needful for us, while we were His enemies.

“But God commends His love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8 MKJV).

God’s love is one of will in charge of passion. It is firstly a matter of what He decides and not what He feels. His love is unconditional and everlasting – it never fails or ceases. It doesn’t say, “Give me this and I will give you that,” or, “Let’s trade,” or, “I don’t know how I can live without you.” God’s love says, “I will give, period; no trade, no deals, and I will give not just much, or most, of what I have, but all.” His love says, “No strings attached.” His love is about unconditional giving.

And seeing His love is unconditional, longevity and quality are guaranteed; it lasts through thick and thin. It isn’t found in fleeting, changing emotion or passion, but in the will. He wills it, and He doesn’t change His mind. Furthermore, He does it, not just for His sake, but for the sake of the one loved. His love isn’t fickle, but firm and trustworthy. One can depend on it, because there is no selfishness in it.

Note that while Jesus spoke of having loved His disciples, we don’t find Him repeatedly saying, “I love you.” While Paul spoke of loving his flock, he didn’t repeatedly tell them so. Why not? It was common sure knowledge that Jesus and Paul loved their flocks.

I have witnessed prophecies at Charismatic and Pentecostal meetings, and on the net, where God was presumably speaking about how much He loves His “dear children.” I have known those prophecies to be flatteries coming forth from false prophets speaking from emotion (out of their own hearts) and trying to win attention, favor, and influence. God seldom speaks of how much He loves us.

Did Jesus go to the cross shouting, “I’m doing this because I love you!”? Wouldn’t that sound rather selfish and counterproductive? He is what He is, does what He does. There are recorded seven statements that Jesus made on the cross – “I love you all” wasn’t one of them. By what He is, did, and does, we learn what it means to be loved and to love.”

[Thierry Bwuzure]

Greetings,

It is so true.

I was for 14 years with a girl. I knew it was fornication
but still, I was entertaining this false love out of selfishness.
I couldn't say to her "I love you" either.

Yesterday I saw a childhood "friend" who knows her.
He asked me why did I end the relationship,
That he doesn't want me to regret it.

Isaiah, the excerpt you have posted here is so relevant.

I told him what I now believe and know is the Truth.
When I red this excerpt, I saw a confirmation and encouragement
in the Walk with God. Hollywood is so deceitful.
My ex-girlfriend was really into romance, Walt Disney, and soap operas.

I tried to fit in but I knew at the same time that it couldn't last for long.
It was a big lie. I am amazed how God led me out of this relationship.
I could not have done this on my own.

Thank you, Lord, for this revelation.