Repentance Paradox!
Posted: Mon May 18, 2015 4:53 pm
I have been recognising many paradoxes in the way God is working with me - things that seem contradictory or odd on the outside, but when looked at deeper, turn out to be His perfect, unfathomable Love being made manifest.
I often look at my two year old son and my heart leaps for joy. Then I catch myself and cannot escape thoughts of "he has only been born because of my fornication" and "if I had been a Christian at the time he was conceived - he wouldn't have been conceived at all because I wouldn't have been fornicating!" How can I be so grateful for something that is the result of my sin?? It's all so confusing and I don't know how I should feel!
Fornication is probably the one sin of mine that I feel has been "removed as far as east is from the west". I have been brought into repentance about many other things, but usually as the result of some painful judgement or consequence. So how then can my repentance of fornication be fruitful and genuine when the result of it has been a baby - the first person I have ever truly loved?
He has not given me a son because of my fornication - He has given me a son DESPITE my fornication - the realisation of which makes me turn from the sin even more as my heart responds to the love and forgiveness He has shown me.
Again, just as the realisation about the TRUTH of the reconciliation of all things has drawn me reverently nearer to Him, so have the depths and complexity of His Love for me - a sinner - melted my heart and made me long to please Him.
Lord, I know I must accept with gladness all the consequences of my sin, knowing that you have the whole universe in the palm of Your hand. Thank you for giving me a glimpse of what Your Love for me looks like. Keep waking me up to Your Love, Lord. I don't know how to love You or other people but I want to learn. Please teach me. Amen.
I often look at my two year old son and my heart leaps for joy. Then I catch myself and cannot escape thoughts of "he has only been born because of my fornication" and "if I had been a Christian at the time he was conceived - he wouldn't have been conceived at all because I wouldn't have been fornicating!" How can I be so grateful for something that is the result of my sin?? It's all so confusing and I don't know how I should feel!
Fornication is probably the one sin of mine that I feel has been "removed as far as east is from the west". I have been brought into repentance about many other things, but usually as the result of some painful judgement or consequence. So how then can my repentance of fornication be fruitful and genuine when the result of it has been a baby - the first person I have ever truly loved?
He has not given me a son because of my fornication - He has given me a son DESPITE my fornication - the realisation of which makes me turn from the sin even more as my heart responds to the love and forgiveness He has shown me.
Again, just as the realisation about the TRUTH of the reconciliation of all things has drawn me reverently nearer to Him, so have the depths and complexity of His Love for me - a sinner - melted my heart and made me long to please Him.
Lord, I know I must accept with gladness all the consequences of my sin, knowing that you have the whole universe in the palm of Your hand. Thank you for giving me a glimpse of what Your Love for me looks like. Keep waking me up to Your Love, Lord. I don't know how to love You or other people but I want to learn. Please teach me. Amen.