Hi Mark,
Almost invariably, when people write us complaining of problems with others, the problem is with the complainer. That said, and assuming your report is accurate, let's cover a few points:
Mark Pearson wrote:My son is harsh and says I must approach people, pray for healing, preach the gospel to strangers, get persecuted, etc, like he's doing.
Who is your son to be teaching his father how to be a good and faithful servant of the Lord Jesus Christ while being harsh with his father, contrary to the commandment that children are to honor their father and mother? He may be zealous, but not for the Lord or in His Spirit, no matter what kind of disciple, spiritual hero, or martyr he presents himself to be. (Again, I'm assuming what you say is accurate from your perspective.)
Mark Pearson wrote:My niece says we're saved by grace and don't need to do anything except live good lives and wait for people to approach us and ask why we're so nice, giving the comfortable opportunity to share that we believe in Jesus.
Your fearful or perhaps well-intended but naive niece regurgitates the wicked comfort gospeler approach to "love her neighbor" without shedding any blood.
Did the Lord direct His disciples to wait for people to come to them or did He send them out two by two to all the cities?
What does your niece have to say to these Words of the Lord?
Matthew 10:24-28 MKJV
(24) A disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord.
(25) It is enough for the disciple that he is like his master, and the servant like his lord. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub, how much more those of his household?
(26) Therefore do not fear them, for there is nothing covered that shall not be revealed, and nothing hidden which shall not be known.
(27) What I tell you in darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear, proclaim on the housetops.
(28) And do not fear those who kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul. But rather fear Him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
The LORD says, "Shout as loud as you can! Tell my people Israel about their sins! (Isaiah 58:1 GNB)
There's so much more in Scripture, both Old and New Testaments than where those words came from.
Mark Pearson wrote:I don't like approaching strangers in stores and am afraid of rejection, but if I must do that, I'll slowly train myself. How does God want me to live my life?
God wants you to be led not by your own inclinations but by His Spirit. As to your fears, Peter was fearful of men before being baptized in the Holy Spirit; he even denied the Lord three times in an hour. On the very day he received the Spirit, he stood up fearlessly before a multitude, proclaiming not only the Good News in a "loving and friendly" way as your niece would put it, but he also declared to the Jews that they slew their Messiah by wicked hands:
Acts 2:22-24 KJV
(22) Ye men of Israel, hear these words; Jesus of Nazareth, a Man approved of God among you by miracles and wonders and signs, which God did by Him in the midst of you, as ye yourselves also know:
(23) Him, being delivered by the determinate counsel and foreknowledge of God, ye have taken, and by wicked hands have crucified and slain:
(24) Whom God hath raised up, having loosed the pains of death: because it was not possible that He should be holden of it.
I gather by your report that your niece wouldn't agree with Peter to speak such things, thinking he might offend both God and man, but results speak for themselves. By the time Peter was done, 3000 souls were saved and many more thousands in the following days.
A few points here: One, you're listening to men, your family in particular, which are your foes, by the way, according to the Lord:
"And a man's foes shall be they of his own household" (Matthew 10:36 KJV).
And those words don't only apply to those who don't profess faith in Christ but oftentimes especially those who do.
Two, you can only be a witness to the Lord if having received the Spirit:
"But you shall receive power, the Holy Spirit coming upon you. And you shall be witnesses to Me both in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and in Samaria, and to the end of the earth" (Acts 1:8 MKJV).
Read
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Romans 8:14-15 MKJV
(14) For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.
(15) For you have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption by which we cry, Abba, Father!
By what you're telling me of your son and niece, I doubt they've received the Spirit of God. They have religion, they profess Jesus Christ, but are they born again, that is, have they received the Spirit with the gifts accompanying? I know you haven't, or you wouldn't be asking and talking this way. This is not a criticism or condemnation, just stating the facts and directing you onwards in the Lord to have your spiritual needs and obligations met, yours and your family's, Lord willing.
Mark Pearson wrote:My son says because I'm a New Creation, I should no longer have any fears, worries, and says I'm way too much in my carnal mind.
Your son may be right, in part. When God gives us the Holy Spirit, the spirit of fear is removed. Yet, there are stages and levels of this happening, which your son doesn't seem to be acknowledging. For example, the apostles Paul and Peter experienced fears years after they received the Spirit and became apostles:
"And I was with you in weakness and in fear, and in much trembling" (1 Corinthians 2:3 MKJV).
"For, when we were come into Macedonia, our flesh had no rest, but we were troubled on every side; without were fightings, within were fears" (2 Corinthians 7:5 KJV).
"For before some came from James, he [Peter] ate with the nations. But when they came, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing those of the circumcision (Galatians 2:12 MKJV).
Your son sounds quite judgmental and impatient, if not contemptuous of his father and no doubt, many others, even if in a "nice" way. According to the interpretation of your words, it seems he has problems of pride and superiority. Not good; not indicative of the Spirit of the Lord, no matter how great his zeal. Saul of Tarsus was zealous, too, but how good was it? Religious zeal is one thing, righteous zeal quite another. Without humility, the Spirit of God is not at rest in a vessel:
"But He gives more grace. Therefore He says, God resists the proud, but He gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6 MKJV).
Your son may seem to be successful in winning souls, but is he gaining godly converts by the power of the Spirit of the Lord or is he proselytizing? Is he producting wheat or tares?
So how do you live as a true Christian, you ask? Not as your son and niece instruct, Mark. Trust and obey the Lord; look to Him; listen to Him, not men. Read at our site where we give the counsel of God to others such as yourself and your family.
The world is filled with false Christian doctrine and ways. Pray, seek His face, and in all earnestness, if you're really prepared to follow Him, you'll take up your cross, something the multitude of believers, like your son and niece, are not doing from what I can tell.
I could be wrong about your family but if they wish to communicate and set their case before me, we'll listen. I doubt that they'll care; it sounds like they believe they have it all together with their churches, shepherds, and doctrines.
Ask and you WILL receive; seek and you WILL find. That's an ironclad promise. Look for the Lord's will; don't seek the Lord for your will.
Victor