pease help me

[Steven Webber]

my name is steven. i am a paranoid schizophrenic. i wasnt always this way though. all thru my earlier life, i have hated, mocked and insulted god. then one day i said the sinner's prayer and was "saved". another time after that, i raised my hand in church and was "saved". i continued to hate god though, daring him to come down and deal with me as a human being. no answer. then one night as i was reading the bible......but whoever speaks against the holy spirit has no forgiveness........????!!!!!! i was terrified!! i rushed to church and wasw saved again and said the prayer with the pastor. i really tried to live the straight and narrow, but i backslid constantly. i was baptised out of fear.

fast forward 7 years later, i saw the tentmaker site. and all those fears fell from me. i felt brand new...reborn. i have been a heavy smoker for years, and during this time of fasting and prayer before seeing the tentmaker site.....my breathing was excellent. better than it had ever been. i was thinking in ways i never thought possible. all fear fell from me. but i feel i saw this site too soon, cause the next few days spelled disaster for me. i wondered certain things. i questioned the bible. "god is not the author of confusion".....ok then...he didnt write it...cause it is nothing but confusing to me. i wondered how jesus got his name, and a few other things, i closed my eyes and saw a man. looked at me as if to say "a ha!!" could that have been satan? cause at theis time i fely jesus's spirit on the outside of me now. i sensed voices of angels or other spirits around me and i was joking with them. and i almost immediately felt convicted. i quickly prayed and asked god not to let me abuse my new gift. the next morning i washed my feet and went out. i became angry at people close to me that entire day. by the end of the day pride set in. the rest of the night i was in sheer torment. i was more scared than i had ever been. a friend tried an excorcism on me. but i think it only made it worse. something tugged at my eyeballs and something fell inside my head. the next morning i woke up and felt like the top of my head was on fire. i slept it off and was ok again.

i continued in a very unforgiving spirit, and self righteous regarding other church members. i thought i knew the spirit of christ and they didnt. i saw a man online interpreting the bible on his own, and i started doing it. i started going mad. i developed another personality inside of me. something told me to eat the sperm of another man, and i did. i started hallucinating. i had conversations with people that they do not remember. i saw things i dont know if they were real or not. i was convinced that jesus and satan were brothers. i was going mad. one night i was out walking, and i thought i was on my way to god's house, but it was actually the man who attempted the exorcism on me. i got the wrong house and couldnt find his. i started back home. i saw a dark figured man walking my way (grim reaper maybe....but no hood or sickle). i turned and went down my street and got in the yard, and a voice told me i was about to be killed. i didnt see anyone. i slipped on the ice. i got inside. something told me to look online to see if i was dead....and i saw my obituary. well, it was my name, but many different faces. i never saw this again though i looked for it.

a few days later i was seeing more strange things. there is an old lady who lives with us, she only ever wears black, and i believed that she was mother wisdom (god's wife). she had me laughing and rolling around on the floor. i started to develop a cocky spirit and feared nothing. starting in on family members. threatening them. my uncle left the house that night with his cat he said there was something evil in the house. i believe there was. after he left, i was going to hurt the other cats. my mom dialed 911 in tears. before they got there, i stepped outside in the dark and said "i am jesus" i was taken to the mental hospital in handcuffs. they showed me my room. they said my room was a special room. there was a love sign on the door. the next morning when they wouldnt let me out, i threw a fit and cursed jesus and god which i swore id never do again out of fear. they took the sign off my door. i was let out a week later, started using marijuana again, and drinking, mixed with my meds. i was still twisting scriptures in notebooks, going crazier. i went in the hospital again.

things got worse and worse. over time, i developed a delusion that i actually WAS jesus. i started to lose all my emotions. i became paranoid. and back in the hospital. 6 times in this past year!! i have been on countless medications, but i cant laugh....or really get interested in anything anymore. all i see is doom, and feel like i am in hell. a few months back i prayed to lucifer, and i felt a sly spirit take over me. i quickly repented of it when fear came over me. a week later i was baptised again. i hate to think there is a demon in me, but can it be so?? is there help for me?? can i ever laugh or feel love again?? i am addicted to cigarettes and all i do is smoke and look for cures to my illness, and if i can ever be saved again. what is the truth concerning my ultimate fate? one patient actually called me satan. i believe him. if i am satan, how can i repent and be forgiven and reconciled with god? is it too late for me as i was made free once before? did i make my ultimate final wrong choice when i let anger take over me that day? can you help me, or pray for me? thank you.

steven webber

[Ronnie Tanner]

Steven,

You've hated, mocked, and insulted your Creator, even tempting Him to "come down" and deal with you and it's clear He has. You've been in hell, which is what you are describing below, including being "saved" and all the other religious confusion you mention.

Read the papers - The Good News, How One is Saved, Repentance, and Obedience.

The reality is you can't do a thing to save yourself. However, The Lord Jesus Christ has brought you here so that you might hear the truth.

[Rachel Gerrard]

Amen.