I ask for your counsel

[Tang]

First of all, greetings.

I have been reading your site for hours at a time everyday since I accidentally [divinely ordained] came across your site. Everything that has occurred in my life has been has led me to this site. I just want to say thank you for this website. Glory to our Lord!

I wonder if I can open up as I have NO ONE I can talk to. I am in my mid forties, and I feel so defeated, humiliated, hurt and ashamed, financially broke, physically in intense pain in my feet everyday and walk like an old lady [inflammation and gout], and I feel I am not good as a husband, dad and career person, because I feel like a quitter. I have no house or any assets. All my friends are wealthy and own houses and have their own plane to fly around in.

In no particular order I would like to start of with my career. As a young boy I always wanted to an airline pilot. To cut a long story short, I miraculously got a scholarship to Australia. I was in my teens, my partner and our daughter flew to Australia for 3 years from the Pacific islands. I did a degree and got my Australian pilot license. The I went back home and I by the grace of God got a job as a commuter first officer pilot. As the next promotion was coming up, I was to go from the bottom of the seniority list to the next commander. Other First officers not happy I was going to jump them.

Anyway, in that time my partner since studying my wife always told me I was useless and not good enough. She never complimented me. I was made to feel worthless on a daily basis. It drove me to drinking and another woman. She herself had other relationships since I could not meet her emotional needs, whilst we had 2 young kids. It drove me to quit under pressure and for us to move to Australia. I regret that decision to this day. Before I quit we decided to get married [hoping things changed …she nagged me into it] and when we came to Australia for our honeymoon, we met up with family and went to an AOG church and after the emotional preaching we thought we as a family would repent and ask God to allow us to start afresh and come to him. My wife never gave up on her lover before and after marriage.

We moved to Australia and I had various jobs over the years. I never had enough money to renew my licence. Something always came up. My last job was at a rice mill. I started as cleaner and worked my way up to becoming number 2 as a manager on site. I was the fastest to get to number 2 in less than 5 years. A new site manager came in. A white south African who made my life a living hell, not the other white managers. I was bullied everyday by him and the other managers and then to ad insult to injury he cut my pay to 50% for no reason. In all my jobs I had always had good work ethics. Then the manager moved me to another area. Eventually I had to quit because of the extreme pressure of bullying, long hours and the stress of other managers dumping their jobs on me as ordered by the manager. Now I work part time at an aircraft maintenance hangar on lower wages but it is just enough to pay the bills and bring food on the table. But, for the first time, I am debt free. I don't want to be an airline pilot working for some airline as I don't want to work on the sabbath. But, still I crave to fly. Again, something seems to come up to prevent me from renewing my licence like paying for my youngest daughters braces. Also, when my mum died, she left me with money, I was thinking this could be a chance to launch my career again. But, the family [mum's siblings] took all of it, including my land. Again, I feel so defeated in my career as a pilot. I have not flown in 19 years and getting older by the day. A colleague of mine just became a jet Captain. It hurt me to see someone else achieve the same dream as mine. I even taught him the theory of aviation. It hurts a lot when watching friends just cruise into a flying job and I can't get started. I have lost my confidence in myself if ever I can fly again. I dream now to own my own jet. And, I am contemplating in starting a business to fund the jet. Why do I have a strong desire to fly and yet I am struggling and failing at it? Honestly, I lost my joy when I left flying. I was good at my craft. At the job I am at, I do the administrative duties for which I am good at. But, I am ask to go and work on the aircraft to do maintenance and totally hopeless on the tools. I am sometimes in tears when i am struggling on the tools and yet i know I am good at flying.

Secondly, I use to go to the Catholic, then the AOG pentecostal for a few years. The pastor would get angry at me when I questioned him on doctrinal issues after his preaching. I was a leader including my wife. I would get bullied by my wife and the other leaders for 'disrespectfully' questioning the man of God. We moved into the country where I was volunteering for an aviation church organisation. In a small country church I was the assistant pastor and studying my bible school subjects. I caught the pastor mismanaging the aviation funds so I quit, including my studies. As a family we ended up fellowshipping with a family who followed the prosperity preachers. Exciting at first. I ended up as the Pastor. We travelled to a KCM believers convention. But, after we came back, things did not add up, in the scriptural sense. I questioned it. I started researching on doctrinal matters by looking at Herbert Armstrong and other denominations. My wife went behind my back and told the husband and wife of the other family. I lost my position as Pastor as the other couple ordained their 2 teenage sons to be the pastors. I was never consulted. But in the years before by, when ever it was my time to preach, my wife would go out of her way to cause arguments. She knew that. She never supported me and it was hard to do ministry when she makes life difficult for me. The other family has moved on to a new state. We are close friends and they do ask us to move down with them, but I don't think so. I am not getting involved with a church. But, my wife is still loyal to their ministry and doctrine of prosperity by leaving us to go and get her diploma at bible college with them. Anyway, for a few years I've been studying L Ray Smith material. When it was reported he had cancer, red flags lit up. Then I started reading God's Kingdom Ministries material. A red flag went up when I saw emails on their website when one of their members (not visitor) was greeting the readers with a Christmas cheer. Since not being active in a church for the past 5 years has allowed me to come out of darkness. Looking back, I did not realise I was such a trouble maker when I asked a simple question like, if you go to heaven because you are in Christ, then I why does Jesus return to raise those in Christ from the grave….? Anyway, I am possibly called to come out of darkness and refute those who teach heresy …… I have wished that I was financially free to study God's word full time, but I am always in pain, mentally burnt out from a job and then my wife demands my full attention afterwards. Then I am tired. I have at other stages been to other churches such as the SDA and united church of God to observe. Red flags kept coming up. What you post on your site I agree but one thing I have learnt the most is about myself, I have grievously sinned against our Lord. The Lord has been calling me out! I am deeply sorry for sinning against our Lord and especially what I know now I would be a better husband and dad. I would be more wise. I confess I am a sinner. I have done similar before, but what I've learnt is that at the AOG it's about the emotion but not true repentance. I desire to seek God, therefore I ask for direction for my studies.

Lastly, my wife. Who I have exhausted my patience with after 27 years. My wife has given me 3 great kids but aborted our 4th because she was angry at me….still is today. I asked the Pastor to intervened but didn't but still allowed her to be on the church leadership team. Another good from my wife is, that without her, I would still be in darkness, as I never became a fully qualified pastor. But, she torments me, she keeps her distance from me, nags or give me the silent treatment if I don't give in to her. She contradicts anything I say or do. I am damned if I do or damned if I don't. She doesn't have any affection for me unless I shower her with gifts and blessings. She demands what she wants despite me going into debt to get it. In the years God has given me warnings like to save up as one of my parent in-laws is about to pass away within 5 years. My wife doesn't listen, so when my dad in-law passes away I had to pay the whole family on the credit card for airfares and it took me years pay it off. Also, God said to remove sugar from the house years ago. Now we have so much sugar and our children are so addicted to it and are always sick each winter. I was going to buy a house but she said her dad had built her a house so she doesn't need another. I don't have a house and I am not at peace renting someone else house. I have never known my wife finances, we don't work together. She doesn't want to. She wants to make the decisions. She never submits to me, so the kids copy her. When I lay the law like no tattoos, the 2 older kids get one. Yet our kids learnt all this as our kids were home schooled in primary and early high school. Then i give kids wisdom, my kids go against it because they have watched mum walk all over me. We are a family divided but only untied when momma is happy. If momma ain't happy, nobody is. Or, happy wife happy life! There is no affection, I'm too cold, smelly ….blah blah blah! Too me she gave her affection to another man. I have to earn my wife affection. Yes, I am under bondage and I have to feel prostituted to get sex from my wife. And, yet there is no real intimacy. I have told her numerous times to go, but she won't. I have never hit her. But, she goes out of her way to wind me up and get me angry. But, at the same time I do desire a wife who has a similar interests in God and for each other. I sometimes look at other woman wishing I had a great marriage as hers. I do desire affection and for someone I look forward to waking each day with. I am just a walking zombie with no joy. I shudder each time I come home and wondering is wife happy or angry….get ready for the nagging!

To finish off, yes I am angry, I am stressed everyday because I have to work harder for peanuts, disappointed, hurt, failed and especially humiliated….most of all I feel humbled to failure. I am ashamed to go back to the islands as I am called a has been pilot. I am in constant pain and the drugs are not doing anything. My friend returned to the islands when he became a Captain and got a heroes welcome as a Jet captain and they gave him a water cannon salute as he taxied the plane into the terminal. He achieved my dream. What have I done to fail? If God has called me, then why do I still crave to fly like when I use to see the DC-8 fly over my house in the 70's? I don't know what to do.

Tang W

This is a private message and please do not publish it. Thank you for your website. To God be the glory!

[Paul Cohen and Victor Hafichuk]

Welcome to The Path of Truth, Tang. Glory to the Lord Jesus Christ, indeed!

Your problem is you've only been dipping your toe in the waters of salvation, while remaining firmly entrenched in this world, suffering its sorrow through marital and occupational vexation and disappointment. If and when you turn to the Lord, forsaking yourself and “all that you hath,” you won't continually be dying without hope:

“For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, without regret; but worldly sorrow produces death” (2 Corinthians 7:10 EMTV).

Likely you've red the following writings, but in consideration of what we're telling you, now read:

Repentance
Family Unity - A Hallmark of True Christianity
The Vashti-Esther TransmutationTo Whom Did Jesus Pay the Ransom for Us?
So You Want to Walk with Jesus

If you register yourself on our Forum on our site (from any page by clicking on “Forum”), we'll give you access to the Private section where you can read about our various meetings and how you may join us.

Let us know if you have any questions after reading and considering these things before the Lord, Tang.

Paul and Victor

[Tang]

Hi Paul, and Victor

Thank you for your email. It has taken perhaps longer than anticipated to respond, but I needed to meditate and digest the message(s) as originated from our Lord. My eyes just opened as God spoke to me. I did not realise I was blind!

I realise now that I have abdicated my responsibility as ordained by God as a man. I have come to realise that I have been duped by all the women in my life (especially the ones I trust(ed) like my grandmother, aunties, mother and wife) and also
the so called men of God in the past.

Luke 14:28 talks about one counting the cost before building the tower. Firstly, my disobedience has been costly! Secondly, I believed God has been calling me for a greater but heavenly purpose and hope, and by His grace has not given up on me. I am grateful for that.

Tears roll down my eyes as I am grateful for His mercy and He did not give up even when I gave up. I am so grateful and privileged that He has called me from within His creation.

Yes, I know there is a cost. I will pay the price either way and have been paying the price for my disobedience…..full of sorrow and death!

I have registered for the Forum under user name Tang Williams.

Thirdly, I have considered the cost and I yes I want to turn to the Lord and I have. Yes, I am scared, but I am not afraid to boldly go after Christ!

I humbly ask on where can I start my walk?

Thank you so much

Tang

Ps, at this very moment in time as I am writing, I feel at peace in my mind my body and spirit….I just can't express correctly in words … it's like I feel ready for battle

[Victor Hafichuk]

Tang, read and read at our site. Truth must be heard, red, meditated on and reminded of. Repetition of truth is good. Walking in it is crucial, of course. When one has embraced truth to the heart by committing himself to walk in it, then comes the fruit, which surpasses anything else one can imagine or dream of.

You've paid the price for your unbelief and rebellion against God, and there will be more to pay. But now you can begin to walk according to the light you receive and begin to save up for the rainy days. You can start neutralizing the wrongs with their fruits. Isn't that wonderful? And as you do so, darkness will turn to day, and consequences will be replaced with rewards. How good is that?

It's all about believing on the Lord Jesus Christ and loving Him in keeping His Commandments. Looking to Him, He'll show the way; He's Faithful and True.

Paul has told you about our Forum, Bible readings and Sabbath meetings. Whatever information you need on those, check out our site and take advantage of what the Lord has made available for spiritual pilgrims He has called and chosen.

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