Soak in the truth.

[Aaron]

My name is Aaron the Worst of all sinners listen guys I know you are real know you speak the truth and I thank you for your boldness in the face of this dark treacherous world it's truly amazing to see but as for me I have failed miserably failed again and again and again I'm afraid I fear that I may have sinned unto death I don't know I just don't know I've cursed God many times puffed myself up many times witchcraft drugs of all kinds and sorts I hated God because of this world and this world is founded on lies and so I blamed Him but it wasn't so I know and understand that now I don't understand exactly how any of these things can be but I hate this world the way it is full of hypocrisy that knows no bounds full of lies that cut the heart, full of fear I need help God has blessed me greatly wonderfully in the midst of the storm. Praise be to His Holy Name! I've been studying the new testament thoroughly. I finished it recently now I'm going back again truly Jesus spoke when He said that some accept the word gratefully then they go and satan comes and makes them forget! Sin is my fog sin is my blindness I wish to stop and see clear please. I will sign up to the death happily if it gets me out of this I'm in now yes I will to die for Him and may it be so. But I have many obstacles in my way I need encouragement I think or... something... I want Jesus the Messiah I want freedom I want these chains snapped! And I do love Him but I want to love Him more I want to do all this I want the strength to deny myself I want to let go and let God hold me I am just worn down so many cares I'm nothing I don't want money or power or anything I want to take up my cross and walk in Him! Sorry for my punctuation when it rains it pours. I don't have many questions I just need someone who is really walking in the Spirit to hold out their hand and say walk! If you say I can I'll believe you. Peace be with you friends your lamps in the dark.

P.p.s. I apologize for sending these messages at 1 a.m. but there's no time like the present and I believe time is short. I recently read Richard Wurmbrantds book tortured for Christ about his 14 year imprisonment by the communists in Romania near the time of the 2nd great War it was an awe inspiring example of what to do when your family and friends and all you've ever known gets taken from you in a flash I was brought to tears by his descriptions of his trials and I felt His love of the Lord in the face of pain and suffering at least that's what if seemed like to me. Years ago I was trying my best to die I was eating chemical cocktails that almost killed me many times I began having grand maul seizures when I was doing witchcraft I think I was maybe an unclean house to unclean entities for a time. Also i kept overdosing I'd wake up in the hospital and have no idea how I got there tied up with tubes and IVs and then I'd go home but each time someone would find me someone would save me even when I tried hard to die I even played Russian Roulette and was disappointed to hear the click. But I am the farthest thing from proud my friends ashamed is the perfect expression but surely you see I've been blessed? At least I hope I was and am. My best friend died on my couch I've held his lifeless shell in my arms my friend rich was shot in the head in Aug of 09 and the list goes on why was I spared? Surely I was just as reckless if not more reckless than they? All these memories have been tugging on me it's like I'm supposed to do something I feel so stupid! But just to let you know my seizures stopped cold after I started reading the word and I'm on no medication any longer I've felt lost yet I know He's there I don't think it I know it I know He's real I just need encouragement I think because I have isolated myself in a box lest I make things worse but I don't feel this is right either again I beg you please pray for me I don't deserve it but I need it desperately! Love

[Paul Cohen]

Hi Aaron, keep reading on the site. Soak in the truth. You'll be blessed if you act on what we've been given from God, the hearing of which brings faith.

Life isn't about you - it's about the Lord Jesus Christ and His faithfulness. The obedience of His faith will see you through anything and everything. He doesn't let any down who come to Him for the Truth. But those looking for something else won't find Him.

You may register on the Forum on our site from any page, which will enable you to learn about and join our meetings for live help and instruction.

Paul

[Aaron]

When I was sick I would scream and scream into my pillow it was all my fault ...

So very very very bad ...

Whenever I tried to pick up a bible I couldn't I mean I was so weak I couldn't focus the pain was loud loud the silence was loud I couldn't concentrate and the longer I went without food the more I started to hear voices to see demons to hear voices telling me to end my suffering kill yourself or this will never end I tried to pray but prayer requires a certain coherence and all I could do was say in my mind God help God help Jesus I beg you help I cried and cried and cried and cried but that hurt too I hugged the toilet while I vomited up nothing but water I was slowly dying finally I could not take it and I got my girlfriend to make the 7 hour drive back to Fort Myers Florida .... well that's a vague account and words cannot in the least convey the torture of it I could not think enough to even fight mentally spiritual warfare was impossible... I tried programs rehab centers state funded facilities everything but nothing ever worked I wanted to die but then I knew I'd go to hell and so you see that was my life my amazing girlfriend now my wife alison she nursed me time and time again and I kept trying to kill myself when my teeth started falling out (Opiates pills or otherwise leach minerals from the bones) I tried to stab myself kill myself strangle myself I was ruining everyone's life around me and it had to stop I hate Aaron I hated me so very very much I didn't know that a doctor prescribed pill could do this to a person but I found out

I'm so sorry my friends I have to finish this when I get back I love you Paul and I love Jesus the Messiah !