My Testimony
Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 11:18 pm
I have been meaning to write something for awhile, and felt compelled tonight to do it. I don't know if this post will say everything about me, but it should be a brief introduction. I first saw this site about a year or two ago, and my first post I saw was the criticism on Gotquestions.org. Since then I have learned a lot, though perhaps I still have much more to know and be chastised by the Lord. Maybe my introduction is a bit too long or tedious to go through, but here it is.
There was a lot that was very different from nominal Christendom, to be honest that I was afraid, so I saw a post or two and then thought to leave it at that. My first thoughts were to think that Victor and Paul were sort of like "Pharisees of the New Testament" like how in the Gospels we see Pharisaic behavior with the Old Testament, except with TPOT it was with the New. I am glad that I do not think that way any more, and it is in fact the "Gentile Pharisees", the Babylon denominations like Catholics and Protestants that are truly grieving and not faithful to the Lord.
But some time later, I red through more teachings on here, and it become more frequent to the point where I'm at now where I am reading on here several times a day. I think things really picked up for me when I red about Martin Luther and John Calvin. Protestant "heroes" I heard about briefly but never gave much thought, like with Charles Spurgeon. I am extremely grateful for the insight the Lord has given to Paul and Victor on those wicked men! The Lord has also given me more insight to other wicked people, whether they are "famous saints" or everyday people professing to believe in Christ.
I suppose also I think I really have come to see vaccines as wicked. Firstly, how established it is with the majority of the world, which would probably be a strike one, anything so popular with the world is wickedness. But when I think back to my early years of my life, it was very brutal. I received 3 vaccines I believe the day after I was born, and I seemed very strong at the time. I only grunted a bit with the first 2 shots but cried at the third. And then it would explain in the next few years how it manifested itself horribly. I was extremely sick, I remember constant fevers, coughing, enemas and bad asthma. I was breastfed a lot which helped me I think so that I still developed well perhaps intellectually, or at least I never had ear infections. My asthma was so bad and no amount of pharmaceutical medication did anything other than the puffers tasted disgusting. Also constant congestions, I tried "Breathe-right" strips that hardly did anything. I was still very sick so my mom was desperate and my grandma was an acupuncturist. It was quite a chastising from the Lord. When I recall what I endured, it was quite hellish but I also recall Isaiah 53, as when Jesus endured such bruisings and pains that we were healed, so when I endured the acupuncture treatments I was being healed. There is a technique to acupuncture, you have to relax your body as the needles go into you, because if you tense up, every subsequent needle gets more painful. I was young, so it was hard for me to relax and after like the 30th needle in my stomach I remember screaming and crying how I hated my mom and grandma. Of course once the needles were out I apologized and then got some ice cream or a toy, but as time went on with the treatments I got more discipline and got healthier. My asthma is gone, I hardly get sick. I believe I got acupuncture treatments until I was 13. I think the last thing regarding vaccines is first, there is a book I have yet to purchase but heard it documents the pseudo-science and wickedness of the founder or originator of vaccines, whom I heard actually faked his medical license and there were early studies showing how ineffective vaccines were! Maybe someday I will catch up with that, but also seeing Dr. Mercola has been helpful. Who knew there were so many parents that brought in their babies to emergency rooms and wicked physicians don't bother to legally report these vaccination side effects?
Of course, when I was 8 I fell into a brutal porn addiction. Before that, I was molested by a family member when I was 5. I already told my parents what happened immediately, a lot of chaos ensued but the Lord sustained and healed. I suppose I still need disciplining from the Lord because I always was zealous for the underdog, and if I heard about anything with sexual abuse I was extremely merciless, but I believe even there God has not given up on me and I have grown. I believe, very recently, the Lord revealed to me His sovereignty in regards to that event, perhaps it was a type of exposure to "The Fruit of Good and Evil", for from that day I first learned how brutal not just sin, but sexual sin, can be. Going back to where I started with this paragraph, I fell to porn when I was 8. It developed into more hardcore (Not illegal however) things, and oh..I have sometimes cried if I think about how I was then. I was a Canaanite! Suicidal thoughts ensued, demons really threatening me that I should go "meet the Lord by dying" and well, this might all sound like some garbled mess but I only know this: I have forgotten everything else in those days because I was so miserable and hardly happy, like some form of PTSD I forgot everything except that, no matter how badly I wanted to die, I knew God did not want me to die. In fact, if I feel upset enough to contemplate suicide again, He has an iron fist grip and I listen and His will thank goodness destroys my own. Porn did far far more damage to me than what happened when I was 5 (I received therapy which I guess helped, I don't know, but it was what the Lord allowed for me) but honestly, when I confessed to Christ, that was when I was 13.
I was 13 in the year 2010. I don't know the layout if that was like some "milestone" for me. I have red The Three Degrees and I wish I might have had some journal to keep track of stuff but I guess what I recall is enough. I do not know where I am with that layout, I thought perhaps I had received the Lord's Spirit this year, so the Feast of Tabernacles. Only now if I reflect on my life, He has been faithful. Especially these last 2 years, it was like some exponential growth, the first 5 years, from 2010-2015 I was like some baby growing up in nominal Christendom but more and more I was getting frustrated and knew something was wrong. Enough of this powdered milk that is dull and artificial and doesn't do anything, I needed living bread and water, and He gave such to me eventually.
When I was growing up, my mom had a "Children's Bible" and I knew some very basic stories of the Bible. I knew then of God. When I was 8 and really being a hardened sinner, I hated God, believed in Him but didn't trust Him. He kept calling on me, and I feel like in phrases like in Ezekiel or Jeremiah summed up how the Lord kept saying to Israel to turn back to Him and live, or else you'd perish, and that's how it was for me, it was going to breaking point. So when I gave in to God, (not "accepting" like others think being involved with God is some sort of birthday ceremony but tearful conviction that if He doesn't save me I would kill myself), He was healing me, especially with my sexuality. I will admit, I have fallen here and there with porn when I recount the last few years, never to any of the disgusting increased fetishes and I will confess it now: Any time if I do resort back to lusting, it is because I have rebelled against God, that I didn't care for Him or His commandments! He has removed demons of despair from me but sometimes they linger like doubts, ready to strike me down and if I do sin then He sends back what He cast out. I am aware that true Christians do not sin. Indeed, I have felt the eternal life, and I am living it now. I have died to my self, and He is living in me. I know when I sin, it all just, I can't describe it other than His Spirit departs from me and nothing is worth that. Maybe I have misinterpreted about demons and such but it was rebuking and chastising I needed so that I do not succumb to such. I idolized the woman, and He has brought me out of it. Oh, how silly I was several years ago thinking, "Well I don't care if she does or doesn't have a religion or does or doesn't care about God, so long as we love each other!" But no, I truly know better now not because I could know on my own, but He let me know.
I made a prayer, to God that the first woman I date will be the one You desire, and if You desire me to be alone, to do it because I can not trust on myself if it comes to marriage. He has been faithful. He has told me to not worry about it, that she is alive and she exists, and that is why if I do lust that's why I feel so sorrowful to die because it is basically adultery. I have not slept with any woman physically, but spiritually, I know where I was, but I know God is cleaning me. I have tried to date a girl 3 times in the last 5 years and horrible outcomes resulted. I did not pursue these women out of lust, I knew it was a bit out of idolatry but He made sure to separate us. I never got to know them as friends, and I am grateful because 2 of them were wicked Jezebels and the other one, well basically nothing happening and God was not willing. Looking back now I suppose my doubts and bitterness on this topic of marriage..it goes a bit in between me and God but He has endurance, mercy, and is just. Given how much the Lord has shown me on this site too, I know that on His timing with marriage of a woman it truly will be, well just what God has taught me will most likely cause me to be despised by religious and nonreligious and He is strengthening me forward. Oh, how I fell into such discouragement but He has refined me more and more. He has given me a lot of insight regarding sexual purity and such too, whether some proverbs such as how the alpha male of the world is nothing more than being a sexual parasite, someone to find many hosts to inject their genetic material into, and how God has determined that I be an Omega Male, entirely opposite of what world masculinity is, and how God desires a man of His to be.
My uncle gave me a bigger illustrated Bible so I grew more familiar with the Bible probably around 2011, and it was in 2015 I got my first Bible and then got extremely familiar with it. He has given me much knowledge, and corrected me out of false knowledge, and by encountering this site I feel perhaps I have reached the "end", because there are no such men I know in real life like Victor and Paul, except the men of God from the Bible.
I remember when I first contacted Paul. Oh, how I still needed to learn, I was impatient but I believe that things have gotten better. How was it that I could bother to ask questions to them when I hardly red this site, years of them walking with the Lord and the Lord giving them knowledge and experience? I had much catching up to do, and I will catch up more such as on Victor's autobiography which I look forward to reading.
And how I wish I was a bit closer, I would love to shop at Harvest Haven and I truly look forward to one day, when Lord willing, I will be able to shop there and try some food. I live in Massachusetts, USA. But I look forward to, when I can, purchasing what can be delivered, such as when I bought the Berkey water filter. Truly amazing, how from this site I got both the Spiritual and physically good Water!
I suppose one last note, part of why I hesitated to post on here is, I am not sure if I agree with everything with Victor and Paul. I do not wish to be like one of the wicked false teachers rudely just going against them, and it is a bit strange because there has been so much that I agree with them on even though it took time to know, like how God is One. I have accepted the fact that if need be, I will not post on this account if Victor and Paul determine that I do not remain a member on this site. It has caused me much grief in the last 2 months but I have been ready if it comes to that. I am not an ear-tickler and I do not want to say this lightly, but my dad's parents passed away before I was born and my mom's dad was an alcoholic (Although kind to me) but he moved away to South Korea long ago and I have not heard back from him, so finally seeing Victor and Paul was honestly like seeing the kind of grandfathers I never had.
I guess one example is that may cause some disagreement, I believe I heard from the Lord to vote for Donald Trump, this goes back in December. At that time first I did not understand about God's sovereignty and not to put trust in men and I had political zeal for Bernie Sanders but since then I have been delivered out of that zeal, and am repulsed by others' zeal for it. He has shown me the wickedness of the Clintons, and also as well regarding Soros. He has also shown me the putridness of many Trump supporters worshipping Trump instead of Christ and by no means is Trump elected for their own righteousness, but somehow the Lord saw it as fit. I believe that may have been an unusual circumstance, and I have accepted that I may never vote again in the future and if I made an error thinking God told me to vote, I apologize.
I guess, well, probably the only issue of possible conflict remaining is in regards to homosexuality. What I believe God has taught me about homosexuality was the first revelation, and the second revelation regarded how hell isn't eternal. I figure the stance from most of you on here and I say this: I truly think the "Joy of Gay Sex" is downright abomination, Gene Appel, Joel Osteen, Spong, and Desmond Tutu are blasphemous and do not bother to tell the gays to repent of their sins and do not have the love of God on them and I rebuke them all too. Perhaps in another messaging or such this will be brought to light on the matter. This, I wonder is if it may mean that I may not be allowed on here but time will tell. I am glad to see God bless you all.
There was a lot that was very different from nominal Christendom, to be honest that I was afraid, so I saw a post or two and then thought to leave it at that. My first thoughts were to think that Victor and Paul were sort of like "Pharisees of the New Testament" like how in the Gospels we see Pharisaic behavior with the Old Testament, except with TPOT it was with the New. I am glad that I do not think that way any more, and it is in fact the "Gentile Pharisees", the Babylon denominations like Catholics and Protestants that are truly grieving and not faithful to the Lord.
But some time later, I red through more teachings on here, and it become more frequent to the point where I'm at now where I am reading on here several times a day. I think things really picked up for me when I red about Martin Luther and John Calvin. Protestant "heroes" I heard about briefly but never gave much thought, like with Charles Spurgeon. I am extremely grateful for the insight the Lord has given to Paul and Victor on those wicked men! The Lord has also given me more insight to other wicked people, whether they are "famous saints" or everyday people professing to believe in Christ.
I suppose also I think I really have come to see vaccines as wicked. Firstly, how established it is with the majority of the world, which would probably be a strike one, anything so popular with the world is wickedness. But when I think back to my early years of my life, it was very brutal. I received 3 vaccines I believe the day after I was born, and I seemed very strong at the time. I only grunted a bit with the first 2 shots but cried at the third. And then it would explain in the next few years how it manifested itself horribly. I was extremely sick, I remember constant fevers, coughing, enemas and bad asthma. I was breastfed a lot which helped me I think so that I still developed well perhaps intellectually, or at least I never had ear infections. My asthma was so bad and no amount of pharmaceutical medication did anything other than the puffers tasted disgusting. Also constant congestions, I tried "Breathe-right" strips that hardly did anything. I was still very sick so my mom was desperate and my grandma was an acupuncturist. It was quite a chastising from the Lord. When I recall what I endured, it was quite hellish but I also recall Isaiah 53, as when Jesus endured such bruisings and pains that we were healed, so when I endured the acupuncture treatments I was being healed. There is a technique to acupuncture, you have to relax your body as the needles go into you, because if you tense up, every subsequent needle gets more painful. I was young, so it was hard for me to relax and after like the 30th needle in my stomach I remember screaming and crying how I hated my mom and grandma. Of course once the needles were out I apologized and then got some ice cream or a toy, but as time went on with the treatments I got more discipline and got healthier. My asthma is gone, I hardly get sick. I believe I got acupuncture treatments until I was 13. I think the last thing regarding vaccines is first, there is a book I have yet to purchase but heard it documents the pseudo-science and wickedness of the founder or originator of vaccines, whom I heard actually faked his medical license and there were early studies showing how ineffective vaccines were! Maybe someday I will catch up with that, but also seeing Dr. Mercola has been helpful. Who knew there were so many parents that brought in their babies to emergency rooms and wicked physicians don't bother to legally report these vaccination side effects?
Of course, when I was 8 I fell into a brutal porn addiction. Before that, I was molested by a family member when I was 5. I already told my parents what happened immediately, a lot of chaos ensued but the Lord sustained and healed. I suppose I still need disciplining from the Lord because I always was zealous for the underdog, and if I heard about anything with sexual abuse I was extremely merciless, but I believe even there God has not given up on me and I have grown. I believe, very recently, the Lord revealed to me His sovereignty in regards to that event, perhaps it was a type of exposure to "The Fruit of Good and Evil", for from that day I first learned how brutal not just sin, but sexual sin, can be. Going back to where I started with this paragraph, I fell to porn when I was 8. It developed into more hardcore (Not illegal however) things, and oh..I have sometimes cried if I think about how I was then. I was a Canaanite! Suicidal thoughts ensued, demons really threatening me that I should go "meet the Lord by dying" and well, this might all sound like some garbled mess but I only know this: I have forgotten everything else in those days because I was so miserable and hardly happy, like some form of PTSD I forgot everything except that, no matter how badly I wanted to die, I knew God did not want me to die. In fact, if I feel upset enough to contemplate suicide again, He has an iron fist grip and I listen and His will thank goodness destroys my own. Porn did far far more damage to me than what happened when I was 5 (I received therapy which I guess helped, I don't know, but it was what the Lord allowed for me) but honestly, when I confessed to Christ, that was when I was 13.
I was 13 in the year 2010. I don't know the layout if that was like some "milestone" for me. I have red The Three Degrees and I wish I might have had some journal to keep track of stuff but I guess what I recall is enough. I do not know where I am with that layout, I thought perhaps I had received the Lord's Spirit this year, so the Feast of Tabernacles. Only now if I reflect on my life, He has been faithful. Especially these last 2 years, it was like some exponential growth, the first 5 years, from 2010-2015 I was like some baby growing up in nominal Christendom but more and more I was getting frustrated and knew something was wrong. Enough of this powdered milk that is dull and artificial and doesn't do anything, I needed living bread and water, and He gave such to me eventually.
When I was growing up, my mom had a "Children's Bible" and I knew some very basic stories of the Bible. I knew then of God. When I was 8 and really being a hardened sinner, I hated God, believed in Him but didn't trust Him. He kept calling on me, and I feel like in phrases like in Ezekiel or Jeremiah summed up how the Lord kept saying to Israel to turn back to Him and live, or else you'd perish, and that's how it was for me, it was going to breaking point. So when I gave in to God, (not "accepting" like others think being involved with God is some sort of birthday ceremony but tearful conviction that if He doesn't save me I would kill myself), He was healing me, especially with my sexuality. I will admit, I have fallen here and there with porn when I recount the last few years, never to any of the disgusting increased fetishes and I will confess it now: Any time if I do resort back to lusting, it is because I have rebelled against God, that I didn't care for Him or His commandments! He has removed demons of despair from me but sometimes they linger like doubts, ready to strike me down and if I do sin then He sends back what He cast out. I am aware that true Christians do not sin. Indeed, I have felt the eternal life, and I am living it now. I have died to my self, and He is living in me. I know when I sin, it all just, I can't describe it other than His Spirit departs from me and nothing is worth that. Maybe I have misinterpreted about demons and such but it was rebuking and chastising I needed so that I do not succumb to such. I idolized the woman, and He has brought me out of it. Oh, how silly I was several years ago thinking, "Well I don't care if she does or doesn't have a religion or does or doesn't care about God, so long as we love each other!" But no, I truly know better now not because I could know on my own, but He let me know.
I made a prayer, to God that the first woman I date will be the one You desire, and if You desire me to be alone, to do it because I can not trust on myself if it comes to marriage. He has been faithful. He has told me to not worry about it, that she is alive and she exists, and that is why if I do lust that's why I feel so sorrowful to die because it is basically adultery. I have not slept with any woman physically, but spiritually, I know where I was, but I know God is cleaning me. I have tried to date a girl 3 times in the last 5 years and horrible outcomes resulted. I did not pursue these women out of lust, I knew it was a bit out of idolatry but He made sure to separate us. I never got to know them as friends, and I am grateful because 2 of them were wicked Jezebels and the other one, well basically nothing happening and God was not willing. Looking back now I suppose my doubts and bitterness on this topic of marriage..it goes a bit in between me and God but He has endurance, mercy, and is just. Given how much the Lord has shown me on this site too, I know that on His timing with marriage of a woman it truly will be, well just what God has taught me will most likely cause me to be despised by religious and nonreligious and He is strengthening me forward. Oh, how I fell into such discouragement but He has refined me more and more. He has given me a lot of insight regarding sexual purity and such too, whether some proverbs such as how the alpha male of the world is nothing more than being a sexual parasite, someone to find many hosts to inject their genetic material into, and how God has determined that I be an Omega Male, entirely opposite of what world masculinity is, and how God desires a man of His to be.
My uncle gave me a bigger illustrated Bible so I grew more familiar with the Bible probably around 2011, and it was in 2015 I got my first Bible and then got extremely familiar with it. He has given me much knowledge, and corrected me out of false knowledge, and by encountering this site I feel perhaps I have reached the "end", because there are no such men I know in real life like Victor and Paul, except the men of God from the Bible.
I remember when I first contacted Paul. Oh, how I still needed to learn, I was impatient but I believe that things have gotten better. How was it that I could bother to ask questions to them when I hardly red this site, years of them walking with the Lord and the Lord giving them knowledge and experience? I had much catching up to do, and I will catch up more such as on Victor's autobiography which I look forward to reading.
And how I wish I was a bit closer, I would love to shop at Harvest Haven and I truly look forward to one day, when Lord willing, I will be able to shop there and try some food. I live in Massachusetts, USA. But I look forward to, when I can, purchasing what can be delivered, such as when I bought the Berkey water filter. Truly amazing, how from this site I got both the Spiritual and physically good Water!
I suppose one last note, part of why I hesitated to post on here is, I am not sure if I agree with everything with Victor and Paul. I do not wish to be like one of the wicked false teachers rudely just going against them, and it is a bit strange because there has been so much that I agree with them on even though it took time to know, like how God is One. I have accepted the fact that if need be, I will not post on this account if Victor and Paul determine that I do not remain a member on this site. It has caused me much grief in the last 2 months but I have been ready if it comes to that. I am not an ear-tickler and I do not want to say this lightly, but my dad's parents passed away before I was born and my mom's dad was an alcoholic (Although kind to me) but he moved away to South Korea long ago and I have not heard back from him, so finally seeing Victor and Paul was honestly like seeing the kind of grandfathers I never had.
I guess one example is that may cause some disagreement, I believe I heard from the Lord to vote for Donald Trump, this goes back in December. At that time first I did not understand about God's sovereignty and not to put trust in men and I had political zeal for Bernie Sanders but since then I have been delivered out of that zeal, and am repulsed by others' zeal for it. He has shown me the wickedness of the Clintons, and also as well regarding Soros. He has also shown me the putridness of many Trump supporters worshipping Trump instead of Christ and by no means is Trump elected for their own righteousness, but somehow the Lord saw it as fit. I believe that may have been an unusual circumstance, and I have accepted that I may never vote again in the future and if I made an error thinking God told me to vote, I apologize.
I guess, well, probably the only issue of possible conflict remaining is in regards to homosexuality. What I believe God has taught me about homosexuality was the first revelation, and the second revelation regarded how hell isn't eternal. I figure the stance from most of you on here and I say this: I truly think the "Joy of Gay Sex" is downright abomination, Gene Appel, Joel Osteen, Spong, and Desmond Tutu are blasphemous and do not bother to tell the gays to repent of their sins and do not have the love of God on them and I rebuke them all too. Perhaps in another messaging or such this will be brought to light on the matter. This, I wonder is if it may mean that I may not be allowed on here but time will tell. I am glad to see God bless you all.