You never loved Jesus, Olivier. You never met or knew Him. You had religion and a false Jesus, not the reality of God in Christ. You got burned by false religion, but you can't blame that on God. You were the dupe who went after other gods because you perceived there was something in it for you. You weren't after the Truth - you were selfishly serving yourself. And now that your false god has failed you, you're bitter and twofold the slave of sin.
Is that wise or just to come here cursing the True God? He has nothing to do with your predicament, except to have subjected you to yourself in order for you to find out how messed up you are and without hope. So you want to spit on your only hope? Knock yourself out, until you've had enough of your ways.
Our God doesn't condemn sinners - He saves them.
Holy Waters
Paul and Victor