You have yet to come to a place of Repentance
through God's gift of faith
“For by grace you are saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God” (Ephesians 2:8 MKJV).
You can't repent by your own power. You need to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ (the One Whom we preach from the Scriptures) in order to let go of your gods, whatever is holding you back. To receive a new heart you need to renounce the old one.
“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me, he cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26-27 MKJV).
You need to seek the Lord with all your heart, and then you will find Him.
“And you shall seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13 MKJV).
It sounds like you're reaching the end of your attempts to save yourself, Odain, which is a good thing, so don't give up now that you've come to God's servants who speak the truth that sets free. Obey
the Lord in whatever you know to obey, believing Him and His Word that says above all things He is true and faithful. Keep pressing on - read on our site, abundantly, especially the teachings like the three I've linked in this letter. It sounds like so far you've only dabbled. You won't enter the Kingdom of God by dabbling.
“And from the days of John the Baptist until now the Kingdom of Heaven is taken by violence, and the violent take it by force” (Matthew 11:12 MKJV).
We have a Forum on our site and weekly Sabbath chats where you can hear the Word of God and interact. Avail yourself of what the Lord has provided. And next time you write, tell us more about yourself and your life.