The Sword of the Lord was a publication that stirred up considerable
controversy among the evangelicals in the early seventies. John R.
Rice was bombastic, lambasting evangelicals. I recall them saying
he was a brother, but not very loving or Christlike. I didn’t
know what to make of Mr. Rice. Though he stood out as different among
evangelicals, I was not drawn to his teaching.
Particle –Heeding Head or Heart
The issue was never a matter of doctrine to me so much as spirit
and life. My guidelines for choosing my teachers seemed different
than those of most others. I was led more by the strings of the heart
than by the chains of the head or denominational partisanship, though
I didn’t know it.
Particle –Lukewarm Lambs, Likewise Leaders
Members of the Alliance Church once talked of how a visiting preacher
confronted a congregation. He asked, “How many people here
hate God?” No hands went up. “How many people are on
absolute fire for God, willing to do anything for Him?” Very
few, if any, hands went up. Finally, he asked, “How many are
somewhere in between?” There was a great show of hands. He
then had them open their Bibles to the following passage:
“I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I would
that you were cold or hot. So because you are lukewarm, and neither
cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth” (Revelation
The fellow telling the story (himself an ordained preacher) laughed,
saying, “Good thing he wasn’t the pastor, because he
wouldn’t have been around long after that day. He had nothing
I knew that the traveling minister exposed the people. I also knew
that most people in the Alliance congregation I attended would classify
themselves as somewhere between passionate for Christ and dead against
Him, which would mean lukewarm.
But I had some subconscious questions (which I didn’t realize
were there until years later): “Is it not the preacher’s
responsibility to tell the people the naked truth about their spiritual
state? Why should he be afraid to speak reality? Is it up to the
people to decide what their pastor says?” Even then, in my
spiritual infancy, I knew the answers to those questions.
It could be objected that those on fire for God would not want to
be so forward about it and wouldn’t raise their hands. To that,
I have three things to say:
One, they wouldn’t admit to being lukewarm, which lukewarmness
is abomination to the Lord.
Two, there was a great show of hands openly admitting to lukewarmness.
Three, Jesus said, “I delight
to do Your will,” and, “I
have meat to eat you know not of,” and, “I have a baptism
to be baptized with; and how am I straitened until it is accomplished!” and, “I
always do those things which please Him,” and, “The
zeal of Your house has eaten Me up.” He said many other such
things, not reticent to openly declare His love and zeal for the
Father. He was zealous for the will of God and made no apology for
it. As He is, so should we be.
The First Commandment states, “You shall love the Lord your
God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.” Can I deny
loving Him, while doing so with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength?
Of course, there will always be those who declare themselves zealous
for God when they aren’t really. And there may be some who
are fully devoted to God, yet may not feel free in spirit to raise
their hand in such circumstances or at certain times. The sons of
God are led by the Spirit of God and not by men.
In the Alliance Church, I was told of the rapture, an event wherein
the Lord would physically appear in the sky without warning and take
all those who believed to Heaven, leaving everyone else behind to
suffer the great tribulation coming upon the earth.
This doctrine perplexed me. One day, as we worked on the new church
structure the Alliance people were building, I asked Pastor Ernest
Regier and Abe Friesen about it. To me, it was quite enigmatic and
confusing. Some believed Jesus would come before the tribulation,
some during, some after, but in all cases, He would come in physical
form, taking some and leaving many.
“Is this doctrine true?” I asked. Abe replied, “It
is a matter of faith.” Ernest said nothing that I can recall.
I didn’t know what to believe, but I didn’t have confidence
that I would be one the Lord would take if He did come that way.
It concerned me, especially in light of the dream I had, wherein
He came and I was rejected. The rapture doctrine was a torment to
me until God truly “raptured” me. Then I knew I was His
(I knew I was Yours, Lord!). More on this later.
Particle –Is Bible School the Answer?
I decided I would go to Bible school. My decision was, I think,
partially a result of experiencing great deliverance and excitement
of life in Christ, after a lifetime of slavery to sin, fear, failure,
loss, and despair. I knew this change had been due to knowledge of
God and the Scriptures, and if the Bible could make such a difference
in my life, I wanted to know it as well as I could. I wanted to be
equipped to share with my family, friends, and others effectively,
so that they could also enter into the life of peace and joy, notwithstanding
the conflicts and new challenges.
Going - You Are Not There Yet”
Something else perhaps propelling me in the direction of Bible school
was that I continually heard a still, small voice within, indicating
to me to keep going, that I was not “there” yet. It was
not in words so much as essence. Though I could not deny the wonderful
change that had taken place in me, I still felt that somehow I was
falling short of God’s will. Whenever I confided this dilemma
to the pastors and others, they advised me that it was Satan trying
to cause me to doubt my salvation. Nevertheless, try as I might to
believe and to console myself, I could not escape that voice.
Particle –Bible School Chosen for Me
When first beginning my search for a Bible school, I was perplexed
about which one to choose of so many available. Though Pastor Regier
had graduated from CBC (Canadian Bible College), he was quite reticent
for some reason to recommend it. One day, Art Bunce, a Southern Baptist
preacher from the U.S., was at our sales lot, looking for a mobile
home for himself and his wife, Peggy. He informed me of a fledgling
Southern Baptist Bible school, the Christian Training Center in Saskatoon,
Saskatchewan, only ninety miles away.
Particle –Southern Baptist Power
I favored the idea of going to a fledgling school, notwithstanding
disadvantages. Art contacted Jack Connor, the Southern Baptist minister
in Prince Albert, who came to see me. He was handsome and silver-haired,
though not aged. I had a hesitation about him. He seemed quite proud,
formal, starchy, and presuming to be superior in character. He had
the peculiar habit of holding his right elbow to his body when shaking
hands, apparently coercing the other person to come to him, and gazing
in his or her eyes as though he was a discerning judge of character.
Jack and I visited and he suggested I talk to the now famous Henry
Blackaby, pastor of the Faith Baptist Church in Saskatoon (he was
not famous then).
Particle –First Impressions Not Good
On to Saskatoon to see Henry. He was at the church - a small, old
building that was in need of complete renovations. When I walked
up to his open office door, there were a few men gathered with him,
but I was invited in. I immediately sensed a formal atmosphere, and
my inclination was to turn around and make a prompt retreat back
to Prince Albert. Rightly or wrongly, I didn’t heed my instincts.
My first impression of Henry was that he was proud and stuffy, though
showing himself buoyantly friendly. He seemed like a public relations
man or a lobbying businessman. I had similar hesitations about him
as with Jack. I felt like a fish out of water. Still, I proceeded
to state my purpose and considerations. We visited, Henry sold me,
and I soon began to make arrangements to attend the Christian Training
Particle –Spiritual Stillbirth
Tim and I witnessed to several people who came shopping for a mobile
home, taking every opportunity we could. Indeed, we sought to witness
to any with whom we had business and social dealings. Jack Connor
was seated in the office on one such occasion. Tim and I were leading
a shy man and his young son through the Campus Crusade for Christ “Four
Spiritual Laws” to a decision for Christ.
When they were fairly compelled to confess themselves sinners and
Jesus Christ as their Savior, we closed with them in prayer, gave
them some literature, told them to read the Bible, and sent them
on their way.
Somehow we were aware that the man’s wife was an atheist and
would not take lightly what we had done (I think he told us). We
also knew that if there was any opportunity for a home sale, it was
gone, and we did not hear from them again (not that one hears from
most walk-in traffic after the first visit anyway).
I later asked Jack if he had any thoughts on what he witnessed. “It
seemed like a stillbirth to me,” he replied. He was honest
and straightforward about it, which was generally the way I saw Jack.
He didn’t explain, I didn’t understand, and I didn’t
dare ask what he meant. Many years later, I look back and see that
whether he had an accurate analogy of what happened or not, the results
were pretty much in agreement. We used moral compulsion with predatory
personalities to do “good,” and only served to offend
people, spiritually and emotionally. We also did the Lord and His
Name no honor, though we thought otherwise.
Particle –My First Marilyn in Christianity
During that year, through Tim Friesen’s brother Gerald and
his girlfriend Cynthia, I met and dated Marilyn Paul, a young Salvation
Army woman, daughter of Ralph Paul, a security officer at the Prince
Albert Penitentiary. I grew to love her and possibly would have married
her if not for the fact that her parents wanted me to be in the Salvation
Army ministry with Marilyn.
It was only a few months after meeting Marilyn that I was attending
the Christian Training Center and Henry was persuading me to go to
Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas. It
would take seven or more years to complete (I had to acquire a university
Marilyn’s parents argued that she and I could become ministers
together in two years with the Salvation Army, and the training would
take place in eastern Canada rather than in the southern States.
It was apparent to me that Marilyn was not prepared to marry me
otherwise, abiding by her parents’ wishes, which was only right
for her to do. She also could not fathom my taking all those years
in school, waiting that long - waiting for what, I don’t know,
because I assumed we could be married while attending school. Frankly,
I also had a hard time with the thought of seven years of study,
and their alternative looked so nice and easy, but I couldn’t
In discussing my quandary with Henry, his main objection to the
Salvation Army was a doctrinal one – he disagreed with the
Arminian theology, namely that one could lose one’s salvation,
as opposed to the Calvinistic doctrine of eternal security - once
saved, always saved.
He also naturally disagreed with the Salvation Army’s position
on water baptism. While Baptists place such importance on water baptism
that they should name themselves after this simple external rite,
the Salvation Army did not believe water baptism to be necessary.
Furthermore, the Army believed the uniform they wore was a suitable
substitute for water baptism as a public Christian testimony. Henry
did not think much of that, and frankly, neither did I; while I saw
water baptism commanded in Scripture, there wasn’t a snitch
of instruction on uniforms.
I was a bit confused, however. In retrospect, I unconsciously felt
these doctrines weren’t really the issue, but I didn’t
know what was. What to choose - Marilyn, a pretty woman, and the
down home, free and easy, street appeal Salvation Army, or the sophisticated,
scholarly, “superior” Southern Baptist route? SA or SB?
For the time being, I remained at the school with the
Southern Baptists. The day would come when I would see the fallacy
of any kind of formal
institutional education as preparation for a true ministry of God.
I would discover by revelation and Scripture that God just does not
work that way.
Particle –Petting Off Limits for Singles
While Marilyn and I dated, we petted in the car and at her door.
One evening, while house-sitting for some friends, we became very
physically involved, not that we had direct sex or undressed, but
it was close, because we both experienced orgasm. I was alarmed and
convicted of sin. I asked Marilyn to kneel with me at the couch,
repent, confess, and pray the Lord’s forgiveness. I was crying.
The whole incident didn’t seem to bother her that much, though
she seemed perplexed at my state. I think she held me in contempt
to some degree, wondering what all the fuss was about. Perhaps she
was convicted as well, but she didn’t seem very agreeable with
my perspective on things.
I had no right to do what I did with Marilyn. Those naming Christ
as Lord have no right to do such things. Those who fondle outside
of marriage fornicate. Those who cuddle and caress outside of marriage
are calling for strokes of correction. We are to keep our vessels
pure and ourselves from all temptations, not expose ourselves to
them or indulge in them. Prenuptial petting is playing with fire.
Particle –Our Paths Part in a Peculiar Way
In October of 1973, I had begun Bible school with the Southern Baptists
in Saskatoon (more on that later), while Marilyn was training in
Winnipeg, Manitoba, to be a registered nurse. She and I corresponded,
and we got nowhere near an agreement regarding my career in ministry.
The situation also bothered me from another perspective - I thought
the woman should follow the man, not the other way around. However,
shouldn’t the parents decide who should be their daughter’s
husband? It would not be right to marry a woman against her parent’s
will. According to what I read in Scripture and what I now understand
from the Lord by revelation, it would be thievery and trespass to
take someone’s daughter, unless the parent was manifestly contrary
to God. Marilyn was obeying her parents, and her parents didn’t
consent to her marriage outside the Salvation Army.
And for all I knew at the time, it could have been appropriate to
follow Marilyn - the Pauls could have been right on their doctrinal
and denominational position. The main thing was that we were not
in agreement, right or wrong.
“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos
I think the primary difference I was seeing in the two choices before
me was that the Pauls, parents and daughter, seemed lackadaisical
in faith. They didn’t seem to be taking God seriously, whereas
Henry seemed intensely interested in God and preaching, though he
also could be light in certain ways, which disturbed me. Still, above
all the searching and quandary I was in, I see that God was in full
control, directing as always.
Particle –Unceremoniously Dismissed without Cause
Because the school was only 90 miles away, I thought I might try
to remain in Prince Albert, consolidate my classes into two days
(there was flexibility), drive to Saskatoon, stay the night, take
all the classes, return to Prince Albert, and do my homework at the
office and at home for the next five days. I could continue to work
for Homes Canada, strictly on commissions, in order to pay my way.
For the two days gone, I could leave the office in Tim Friesen’s
hands, trusting him to help me.
I presented my thoughts by phone to co-owner Bob Vail, who didn’t
consent to my idea, but neither did he discuss it with me. Suddenly
and without warning, Terry Johnston (Bob’s partner) arrived
with a new manager, Gary Stovin of Esterhazy, to replace me immediately.
Had they said they were not in agreement with my plans, I have no
doubt we could have come to an amicable arrangement, even if it meant
my leaving altogether. Instead, they shocked me with instant dismissal,
treating me as entirely untrustworthy. Furthermore, they did not
pay me the employee benefits due.
Particle –All or Nothing
The year before, Bob and Terry told me they had been betrayed by
Dennis Skuter. I think they decided to prevent a possible betrayal
or vengeful act. As unpleasant as it was, their preemptive action
would have had a nastier impact on me, had I not had faith in God.
I accepted the situation as if the Lord was saying, “Victor,
it must be a clean break; it is all the way or nothing. That is the
way it must be.” I had tried to preserve, and provide for,
Particle –Those Not For Are Against
What hurt even more when I was dismissed was that Tim, a professing
believer, did not stand with me. Despite how he saw a presumed brother
in Christ treated, summarily dismissed without warning, he was silent
and remained with the company. He stood with unbelievers, loving
his paycheck more than decency, justice, faith, and truth - in short,
the Lord. He later confessed to me that he had resented me.
In any case, I was out the door and off to Bible school in Saskatoon,
with bridges burned. The time would come when I would find out just
how well Tim fared; it was not well at all. He hung around long enough
to also be abused by them, and more.
Particle –Two Unreconciled Worlds
I thought I had come to develop a trusting relationship with Bob
Vail, whom I appreciated. I was wrong. Not being a believer, he was
not capable of treating me with fairness and respect.
In his defense, however, I must say that I did something as a zealous
young Christian that was neither right nor fair to him and his partners.
I posted Biblical and religious words on our street signboard without
their permission, trying to witness to the traffic, self-righteously
feeling it was my duty and right to do so. I also closed down the
lot on Sundays, determined to keep the Sabbath (which was not the
Sabbath anyway), when they wanted it open. As well, I was offending
some customers, as Tim and I would preach to them, and even try to
convert them when they came to view homes.
It was only a matter of time before things came to a head. I really
had no right to impose anything in their business against their wishes,
unless God was leading me, and I don’t believe He was. I only
liked to think He was. Now I understand – there is a time and
state of knowing things surely.
Division in Mysterious Ways
As I was struggling over Marilyn’s and my relationship and
what direction I should take, the Pauls called to tell me that Marilyn
suddenly became seriously ill and was admitted to the Grace Hospital
in St. James, Winnipeg.
I immediately flew to Winnipeg to join her mother. While at first
they did not know what the problem was, they came to conclude she
had equine encephalitis - Marilyn was seriously ill. Her head swelled
beyond recognition, and she was delirious. They placed her in a padded
room so she wouldn’t hurt herself when she thrashed. Her mother
was greatly anxious. We prayed for Marilyn, and I exhorted Mrs. Paul
to believe, reminding her that we had asked the Lord to heal Marilyn,
declaring that all was in God’s hands.
Marilyn did recover, and in the weeks and months to follow, we corresponded
by mail again, but it was never the same. I was perplexed by her
changing moods, thoughts, and disagreement with me in various matters.
I later suspected that her illness affected her mentally.
I was also concerned that while I had been dating Marilyn, she jokingly
remarked to her parents that she had been out with “the apostle
Paul” again. I had been serious about the Lord and could do
little else but talk about Him and spiritual matters. She and her
friends were not nearly as interested. I was not aware of her remarks
when this was happening; I found out about them later when her mother
laughingly told me (not in an unkind way). I finally realized I was
not to pursue marriage with her.
Particle –Petty Pecuniary and Palate Problems
One day at school, several students placed an order for burgers
from MacDonald’s. Janet Connor, Jack’s daughter, took
our orders, collected the money, and went to pick up the take-out.
Because I was on a Weight Watcher’s diet and didn’t
wish to offend it too much, I asked Janet to get me the biggest
hamburger they had, but without fries, shake, onion rings, or anything
else. I gave her a dollar, which in those days would have gotten
a Big Mac with fair change returning. She returned with the smallest
hamburger there was, which was likely about 39 cents, plain, no
cheese - or change. Others had not given her enough for theirs,
apparently, and she had no change to return.
Money and food matters were a problem to me, no matter how small;
as a result, I was dismayed, but I said nothing more. An expression
on my face could have betrayed my feelings, however, because I
thought I witnessed Henry and Jack laughing about it as I walked
near Henry’s office (they witnessed the event and knew the
value of MacDonald’s items). On the other hand, it could
have been simply self-consciousness about my problems. Money and
food problems were just two of many bondages that would need clearing
Particle –The Mystical Connection of All Believers
A wonderful revelation came to me one day. Jack Connor, Henry Blackaby,
other students, and I were discussing how the Body of Christ works
as a physical body, with all parts automatically working in unison,
under the Head. Though we did not discuss this aspect I am about
to describe, I realized with some amazement and excitement that those
in Christ’s Body, wherever they may be and whether they know
one another or not, are working in unison and harmony with each other
because their Head, Jesus Christ, is directing them.
The implications are significant. We are not talking fleshly activities
or church works here, where everyone pitches in to have a potluck
supper, bingo game, conference, church service, or “crusade.” We
are talking about people around the world, people who do not know
each other personally, in spirit doing what they are doing, their
works in complete harmony with those of others in the Body who, in
spirit and in truth, are serving the Lord, the Head, Who directs
What a rest there is in that truth! He is running the show, not
we! The hand doesn’t operate independently of the Head, and
the foot doesn’t operate independently of the hand, eye, heart,
or lungs. All are one as the Head directs. I can know that I have
brothers and sisters, wherever they may be, with whom I am one in
Christ. I am benefiting from them and they from me. We are contributing
every moment to one another.
I was so excited about this truth that Jack Connor asked me to share
it on the local TV station where he had some allotted time. I was
wondering if this was not going to be the start of something more
public, but that was not to be for a long, long time.
Particle –Sheep without a Shepherd
I look back and wish I had had a teacher or pastor who could have
been direct and wise with me in so many matters. There is this prevalent
error in nominal Christian churches: Pastors are reticent to counsel
unless approached by their flock, and even then, their counsel can
be ambiguous because they hesitate to offend.
Perhaps I was not about to listen, not being as teachable as necessary
at this point, but I also did not even know to ask. I didn’t
know a pastor should be available to guide me in all matters of life.
It is up to the shepherd, and not the sheep, to determine needful
courses of action, to take the initiative to lead, feed, and protect
the sheep. Sheep are dumb, not knowing what they need - they don’t
even know what they want! But I know the Lord provides what He wills
when the time is right.
Particle –Last Call
In the fall of 1973, on the highway heading north of Saskatoon,
I recognized Barry Cloutier as we were driving by one another, and
we stopped to meet. You will recall that Barry was a former business
associate and friend from the Bay in Winnipeg, he had rented a room
in our home for a time, and was the fellow with whom my department
manager, Bob Richards, another fellow, and I had tried to start a
music band. He was now a traveling salesman.
Barry was super-extraverted and unabashed at the worst of times.
He could be crude, insulting, cutting, vulgar, witty, and merciless,
perhaps worse than caustic comic Don Rickles. He partied at every
opportunity and drank himself stupid. But he could also be polite,
humorous, and friendly when he wanted to be, just like Rickles.
I tried to share my newfound faith with Barry, giving him several “Christian” books
I had in the trunk of my car for just such an occasion. Some of them
were the ones that came through customs from “Tremendous Charlie
Jones” two years before (books I wouldn’t give to anyone
today, but they had seeds of truth in them).
He took them, saying very little. I suspected that he despised what
I was offering him. Not many years later I heard that Barry died
Particle –My First Home in Saskatoon
I now needed a place to stay, but had a very limited budget. An
elderly divorcee or widow, Vi Allen, had come to Henry Blackaby’s
church, offering a room with light housekeeping facilities in her
home for a student at a very reasonable price. Henry and I drove
there, investigated, and I accepted. My first home in Saskatoon was
the 16th of my life.
Particle –Some Motivation for My Seventeenth Home
Vi had another live-in boarder with a room next to mine in her three-bedroom
home. Lorne Hauser was a drug addict who had been in institutions,
suffering shock treatments and other maltreatment at the hands of
the medical establishment. He was also hooked on Valium, a prescribed
medication claimed to be non-addictive at the time. Lorne was a derelict
soul in his late forties or more.
One night, at about one or two in the morning, Lorne woke me by
turning on my light. He was having a flashback or hallucination and
talked about performing operations on people to make them well again.
He had taken pillows and sofa cushions, laid them out in the living
room, and cut them open, with stuffing strewn everywhere.
He was standing at my door with a butcher knife. I wondered if I
was about to be his next patient. He was incoherent, saying things
I didn’t understand. I replied to him as if he was normal and
there was nothing unusual going on. He retreated to his “work,” and
I retreated to prayer. I committed the whole situation into the Lord’s
hands, trusting Him to take care of me, and I went back to sleep…about
two days later - just kidding - I really did go back to sleep.
It is amazing what trusting the Lord can do. He takes care, not
only of our circumstances, but also of our attitudes toward them,
which are even more important.
Who says there is no God?
I told Henry what happened, he had a good laugh about it.
It wasn’t long before I was not wanted at that house.
Lorne complained about me for some reason, and Vi asked me to leave.
need much persuasion!